Leah's scars
by Perfekt Rain
Summary: Emily is not the only one with painful scars. Leah has her own scars, only hers are emotional ones. And Leah will do anything to stop the pain, resorting to the most horrible ways. Can Seth Sue and Jacob stop her from going too far?
1. One can?

**I don't own Twilight...AND DO NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING THAT LEAH DOES IN THIS CHAPTER OR ANY OTHER NAUGHTY ONE!!!! PLEASE!!!**

Chapter 1

One can, I had promised myself. Only one can. But as I pressed down the lock on the bathroom door I knew I was kidding myself, I alone with an entire package of beer. Besides I wanted to get so drunk I'd forget everything that happened. So drunk that I couldn't remember the pain. The stupid throbing, never ceasing pain that was going to kill me one of these days. And I sat down on cold bathroom tiles and got the party started.

I felt guilty. My mom might just go a little bit insane if she knew I was drinking. She had been through so much already...

I opened the top of the can and poured the bitter bubbling substance down my throat. It stung a little bit, but was overall a descent beer. Besides this was nothing compared to the agony I had felt today. Sam and Emily were finally married. I had to be a bridesmaid.. And Emily was one month pregnant.

By the time I had finished one can, I already was starting to feel a little light-headed. I hated beer. Or any alcohol for that matter. It burned my tongue. My body wanted to reject the substance, just the way I wanted to reject the fact that my cousin was marry the man I thought was my soul mate. He had given me a promise bracelet a year ago...I had burned it.

I took another dizzying sip. My body wasn't used to alcohol, but it have to get used to it. Because if the misery in my life didn't go away soon, I'd have to start drinking hard whiskey.

All I wanted was to stop thinking about the wedding. Everything. How hideous the plum bridemaid's dress had looked on me, the vanilla icing on the wedding cake, even what I had gotten Emily for a stupid wedding gift. It felt like I was rewarding her for stealing my boyfriend, getting married to him, and having his child. Funny, isn't it?

I tried not to think about the wedding. _Sip. _I tried not to think about my nephew/niece. _Sip. _Sam. _Sip. _Emily. _Sip. _Or the death of my father and becoming a damn werewolf. _Sip, sip, sip._

When I was done with my first can I crushed it and reached for another. Popping it open, I wondered why it wasn't working the way I wanted it to. Maybe it was because the world hates the hell out of Leah Clearwater. I couldn't stop replaying the memory of Emily walking down the isle in her lacy white dress, and Sam wearing that expression of admiration and adoration on his face. Heh, I thought, that used to be my look. But not any more. Emily was his world, all because he was a werewolf and she had an operational womb. There was no "destiny" about it. Just the stupid ass werewolf gene and fertility.

Can No.2, was over. I crushed it and tossed it next to Can No.1. This was going to be some party alright. And I still had four cans left, and it wasn't even ten yet.

I knew at any moment, I was going to do something totally stupid, that's what happens when your drunk. But I was way too drunk already to care. I took another can from the package.

What did it feel like when you were drunk anyway? I mean I heard stories of people going crazy, but all I felt was slightly woozy and my vision wasn't picture perfect but nothing much. Besides my brain was funtioning perfectly! Wasn't there a song about being drunk? By Jamie Fox? Blame it?

I stared humming the lyrics of the song, a little too loud. The taste of beer was starting to grow on me. I felt kinda giddy, but for no real reason, even though I couldn't see straight. And then I lost track of the cans that I finished. And then I lost track of myself.

* **So do you like it so far? Blame it is by Jamie Fox. P.S. At what point do YOU think Leah was really starting to get drunk?***


	2. Snapped

***Twilight is not mine.***

Chapter 2

I woke up alone in the bathtub, somewhat dazed and confused. What had happened last night? I looked up at the clock, eight am. I didn't sleep in that long, thank goodness.

My head hurt like hell. As I got up, I dashed to the toilet to throw-up all the toxins in my body. After I stop puking, I felt ashamed. Drinking myself to sleep is one of the most pathetic things I've ever done in my life. And that's saying _a lot._

But as I get up, I realize that I'm going to do it again. I still have two cans of beer left, and three brand-new bottles of white wine. The fact that I'm going to do it again is even more pathetic and loser-ish. And that's saying a _whole _lot.

Seth and Sue might be home so I better dispose the evidence. But I came prepared for that. I have a plastic bag that I put the cans in it and mask the scent with perfume. I plan to burn the bag before I go on patrol tonight. But I have to be careful, because if I think about it the goody-goody Jacob might tell Sue. If she ever found out about this, I'm not even going to finish that sentence. So I have to be careful.

After taking a shower and brushing my teeth, I stare in the mirror at my face. It's a pretty face, but it only reminds me of all the times back when I didn't know about imprinting, I wondered what Emily had that I didn't. They just met, I used to think, so it must be about looks. I have a fuller lips than her, and my eyes are brighter, I thought, why does he prefer _her? _And how could she do this to me? My own cousin!

But that's all over now. Nothing can change the past, and I'm sure the future is going to suck too. I mean, just as I start to fall for Jacob, he imprints on the devil spawn. Does the world even give a damn about me? I'm lucky I didn't fall completely in love with him. Because love is like a burning buliding. The farther you go in, the more likely you are to be in there when it collaspes. No one knows that better than I do.

"Leah?" I hear my mom call from downstairs.

"Coming," I call, throwing on a random outfit.

Sue and Seth are waiting for me to start breakfast. Since I'm a damn werewolf, I can't leave La Push because its "my duty" to protect La Push. Not matter how much I wish I was at collage right now. So my mom agreed to let me stay on three conditions:

1. I cook.

2. I get a job to help around the house (but I'm secretly saving some money to buy my own house).

3. I don't make a pest of myself.

I don't know about three, but I have got a good hold on the first two. I come down the stairs and start scambling some eggs and start the toaster. Sue is reading the newspaper while Seth is just sitting there, happy. I love that kid but I envy his happiness. It's not fair that he knows how to deal with his problems without breaking down and I don't.

In about fifteen minutes I have breakfast on the table. Once again, the incredible infamous Leah Clearwater has saved everyone's day. Except her own.

"Nice job on the eggs," Sue comments.

I pretend to be proud. "Thanks."

"How'd you both sleep?"

Seth grins. "I didn't. At least not till three"

"I slept great," I lie.

Sue looks up from her newspaper. "Emily called. She wanted to ask if you want to visit at some point after the honeymoon."

Hell no. "I'd love to."

The is an odd silence at the table. Sue knows how upset I am about last night's wedding. All I hear is the scraping of plates and chewing. Seth finishes and takes his plate to the counter. Sue does the same. It's still quiet.

A knock on the door saves my life. I put my plate on the counter to go answer it.

It's Jacob. Of course it is.

"Hi Jacob," Sue says

"Hi Sue, may I borrow your kids?"

Sue smiles at Jacob's overt politeness. "Sure. We just finished breakfast."

Seth follows us out of the house. We both siletly wonder what this is about. When we're far enough from the house, he speaks.

"I have some bad news."

We listen, wondering what it might be. I've already been through so much, that nothing can really be "bad" anymore. Losing my father, becoming a werewolf,losing Sam to my cousin, and everything else has hardened me. I can survive anything. So I wait, prepared for the worst. Nothing can make Leah Clearwater snap.

"The Cullens are leaving."

I almost laugh. I was expecting worse news than that. Seth looks disappointed and opens his mouth to speak. Jacob cuts him off.

"There's more. So am I." He looks right at me.

Finally, the great Leah Clearwater has snapped.

*** So there's the second chapter. Reviews are welcome.***


	3. I am

***I still don't own Twilight, and thanks to all of you who reviewed! :)***

Chapter 3

This couldn't be happening. After all I went through. Jacob could not be leaving all thanks to some mutant child with a complicated name. Impossible. And there he was, standing right in front of me, not even aware of my feelings. He used to pay attention to how I felt, but ever since 'Nessie' was born he only payed attention to her. Nothing else mattered to him. Not even me.

"You're going with _them?_" I asked, horrorstruck.

Seth was just as suprised as I was. This had to be a joke. It just _had _to be. Any minute now, Jacob would say the damn punch line. So I waited...

"We're going to Canada, Yukon," Jacob explained.

My mind couldn't process the information. He lost me after "I'm going with them."

"Leah? Are you okay? It's not that far away anyway. Besides, you'll be alpha. Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

Eventually, my mind caught up to his words. He was leaving with the bloodsuckers to Cananda. Leaving his dad. Leaving his pack. Leaving me. All for a stupid wanna-be vampire child. Where the hell is the justice in _that _anyway?

"Why?"

"Because they're not aging. Sooner or later people will start to notice."

The old, bitter harsher Leah Clearwater was coming back. The next time I spoke there was venom in my tone.

"No. Not why are they going, why are _you _going?"

"You know the answer."

A thousand insults and curse words hung on the edge of my tonuge, ready to attack. My mouth was loaded with imprudence like a gun loaded with bullets. I decided to press the trigger down, hard. Pow.

"Oh yeah, right. _Renesmee." _I said the name like someone would say "ginivitus" or "herpes."

Jacob didn't respond the way I thought he would to my poor shot. "Leah maybe you'll imprint some day and then you'll understand."

Imprint. My least favorite word in the entire damn dictionary. Of course he'd use that against me.

"I can't imprint, because the purpose of imprinting is to carry on the dumb ass werewolf gene, to make sure our kind survives, nothing predestined or magical. I can't carry a child. So I can't carry out the werewolf gene. And that means I can't imprint," I paused to reload my gun of spitefulness,"Besides, I don't want to be anyone's only reason you hang around _her_ is because she has a working womb."

Jacob opened his mouth then closed it again. Obviously, my bullet hit a bull's eye. But then, he smiled. "You sure can take the magic out of imprinting."

I snorted. "You can't take the magic out of what wasn't there to begin with."

He laughs even though I don't think its funny. "I'm going to miss you Leah."

I drop my "gun". "I'm going to miss you too."

There's no point in saying anything. Nothing I can say can convince him to stay. Quietly, I walk back to my house, defeated.

"Leah?" Jacob called after me.

But I was already far enough away to pretend I didn't hear him. I continue on the path to my house, mute. At this point I don't even care if Seth is following behind me. He'll be fine, I think.

I open the door and head up the stairs to my room, where my new bestfriend is waiting for me. His name is alcohol. Sue saw my grimace and called after me.

"Leah, dear? Are you okay?" She sounded concerned when she spoke.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired."

I'm such a damn liar, I think as I lock myself inside my room. No doubt Seth will come running in to tell Sue why I'm depressed. All the times I've lied come strike me like lightning. I always tell people I'm fine, but inside I'm rotting to dust. When my dad died, I lied to Seth everything was going to be alright. I lied to myself over and over that Emily didn't mean to steal Sam from me. But the biggest lie I've told was the worst of all.

The lie was that I'm not in love with Jacob Black and that I don't need him.

Now I had to find a way to make it with out him for the rest of my life.

Cracking open a can, I sat on my bed laying down on a pillow. I felt like a broken doll, abandoned and unloved. What was it about me that gave the world right's to kick my ass around? Everything in my life is bound to go wrong. My dad is dead. My cousin is married to my ex. The person I love was moving to Puke-on Canada. My privacy was lost. And I'm a freaking wombless bitch. Literally.

I choke down the bitter beer once again, wishing I was someone else. Maybe my life would be better if I was born Emily. Or the little devil spawn, Renesmee Cullen. Hell, I'd probabley have a better life if I was born Claire.

Can No. 5 is finished, so I chuck it into the bag of yesterday's empty beer cans, and grab another. I can sympathize with the empty cans, they too are drained of fun and bubbliness.

I set my alarm for ten, because that's when I have patrol. Since Jacob is gone, I wonder who is going to take his place. Then I decide I don't give a rat's ass. Besides, we haven't seen any vampires that we can actually kill in at least one and a half years. Only the "good" kind, Cullens.

Drunk and impulsive, I decide to give them a call to give that bitch, Bella, a piece of my mind. I grab the phone in my room and dig around in my desk to find my phone book. Let's have some fun, I thought.

Unfortunately, the phone is left unanswered at the Cullens' home. They might of saw the caller id and didn't want to hear my mouth. Heh.

This rush is awesome, I think as I reach for my bottle of wine. As I pour it down my throat, I laugh to myself. This white wine tastes way better than any beer. White wine is not as sour, and it has a tangy grape flavor.

Right now, I think, I feel invincable. Alcohol is liquid courage. I haven't felt this light headed and brave for a while.

_I am Leah Clearwater and I am strong._

_I am Leah Clearwater and I am pretty._

_I am Leah Clearwater and I am..._I drift off

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. This time I didn't drink enough to throw-up, thank goodness. I roll off of the bed and head down stairs, pass my sleeping mother and brother. I find a place to phase, and run off into the night.

**Hate? Love? Review!**


	4. The truth

***I don't own Twilight!!!***

Chapter 4

As soon as I made it into the forest, I heard a familiar voice in my head. It was too good to be true. Jacob!

_Hey Lee-Lee!_

_Jacob! _Then I remembered he was leaving. _Aren't you supposed to be in Canada?_

_Not till next week. Are you that eager to get rid of me? _He teased.

Somehow, that idea was a comforting one. A whole week for me to convince him to stay. Maybe this was going to work out for me after all.

_Wait up._

I stopped by a huge pine tree and waited. I felt wonderful. It's funny how easily my feelings are influnced by the people around me. Even my tail was wagging. As soon as Jacob caught up to me, it picked up tempo.

_Hey._

_I can't believe you're still here! _We took off, patroling the area for non-existant vampires.

And then the worst happened. He _noticed._

_Yeah...wait do I smell alcohol? Leah have you been drinking?_

Together as one mind, I couldn't lie. I tried to put the truth as light as possible. I didn't want him to worry, or worse...make him tell Sue.

_Recently._

_Why? Why would you do that to your body? Are you suicidal?_

I could see that sugar-coating was going nowhere with Jacob.

_Well when I get upset I sometimes have alcohol. But I'm not suicidal. I couldn't do that to Sue. Or Seth._

Jacob paused, sorting out all the questions he wanted to ask. There was so many. Why couldn't he just ask them all? I mean it's not like I'm going anywhere. But then again _he _is. So he might of thought he had to only pick a couple, because our time together was running out.

_What are you upset about?_

The question almost made me laugh out loud. There was so many things I could tell him! The list would take up an entire book. Maybe even a whole trilogy of books. Big thick ones.

_The wedding. And everything else._

_Does it bother you that I'm leaving? Is that why you drank this night?_

_Yes. It bothers me a lot._

How could I explain in to words how...how...once they come up for a word for hurt times a million someone tell me. Then I can explain how 'bothered' I was properly.

_You know I'll visit and call and stuff._

Crazy enough, but the idea of him leaving but still visiting and calling was better than the idea of him moving away forever, without ever talking to me again.

_I wouldn't do that._ He paused. _But that's not healthy. Drinking, that is._

_I know. _If I could sigh I would.

_I'm going to have to tell Sue._

The world stoped turning for a second, I swear. I stopped breathing. He couldn't!

_Please._

_Well..._

_Think about the time you were depressed about Bella. You imprinted and everything felt better right?_

_Where are you going with this? Did you imprint on a bar tender?_

Ha. I wish, I think as we run through the woods.

_No. But alcohol is a way to make me forget the pain. Like the way you imprinted_

Finally, Jacob and I were on the same page. I wished I didn't have to resort to the i word, though.

_Fine. But I can't spend every waking moment with Nessie, so you can't spend every waking momemt with whiskey._

_Wine and beer. _I corrected.

_Whatever. But you can't drink too much. Alpha's orders._

A long time ago, Jacob said he could never impose a command on me. I knew he wouldn't do that, even now, right?

_Don't push me. I just might._

_Sure almighty alpha._

_I'm serious._

_So am I._

_Besides if you have problems, you can always talk to me about them. How about tommorow at the beach around eight?_

_Can't, I have to work at the bookstore. Or Sue will throw me out. _I joked.

_Okay then, how about Tuesday around eight?_

_Sure, sure._

_Hey you can't quote me!_

_Watch me._

Amazingly, the atmosphere shifted from angst to fun. But Jacob ruined it again.

_I seriously meant that I would impose it on you if you don't be careful. I don't want you to become a non-stop alcoholic._

_I won't._

_I mean it!_

And I wasn't about to drink so much that he'd have to do that. That would be stupid. But like any other human being, I can be wrong.

**Heheheh foreshadowing. Any opinions so far? I'd love to hear from you! :) **


	5. Bittersweet

***Rose are red violets are white, like I already said I don't own Twilight. And thanks for the reviews!***

Chapter 5

Friday took forever to arrive. In between cooking, working at the bookstore, patroling, and drinking, everything took way too much damn time. Emily had been blowing up my phone 24/7 ever since I told Sue I'd like to come over after the stupid honeymoon. I didn't answer any of her calls, though. Not to be vengeful, but because I thought she would try to give me all her pity and ask what she could do to try to make it better. I didn't want her pity. I wasn't sure what the hell I wanted these days. I was only sure of what I needed: love.

It's going to rain soon, I think, going down the path from my house to the beach. Not that it matters, I add. Because tonight is beautiful. The gray clouds, darkened with the night, are parted just for the moon. The surronding clouds created a unearthly halo around the moon, and there are a few stars not completely covered by the clouds. The ocean is a calm, navy blue crashing up against the cliffs. It reminds me of the days Sam and I...I pushed the thought from my mind. That was in the past, I remind myself. This is the present.

As I reach the beach, I don't see Jacob anywhere in sight. I wonder if he's suckered me. Jacob wouldn't do that would he? No, he wouldn't be that heartless right? If he did just stand me up like this he's probabley laughing right now at little Miss Desprate (me) right now at the Cullen's with that muntant child. Serves me right for trusting a boy, all they ever do is break my heart. Repeatedly. But then I heard footsteps...

"Hey," A familiar voice called behind me

Wow I'm dumb. He was right behind me the entire time I was having that doubt. I shouldn't be so suprised. You'd think that after a while of always being wrong I'd get used to it, but it still shocks me. Go figure.

"Hey, Black."

I turn around. Big mistake. Jacob looks incredible tonight, and I wonder what's different about him. Everyone always says he takes after his mom and that's never been more apparent then now. I faintly remember her, they share the same movie star-like smile, and the same nose. But Sarah Black's most striking feature is the closest simularity. Her eyes. The same almond-shaped hauntingly beautiful black eyes. It took me a minute to gather my wits. _Stop staring like a bitch and speak, Leah!_

"Look who decided to show up."

He rolled his eyes. "Did you think I'd really just leave you here?"

Ugh.....maybe?

"I had my doubts."

We continued to walk down the beach, listening to the gentle crashing of the waves.

"So what's bothering you?"

Where the hell could I begin? I've been complaining about having problems for so long that I didn't even know how to classify them. And that's pretty sad.

"Well since the wedding..." I trailed off.

Jacob was there along with Seth to "moniter" my behavior. During the vows I had gotten so over whelmed that I almost phased. Jacob and Seth looked ready to take me down to defend Emily and the other unfortunate people I might unintentionally maul. I was sure that I would claw three new scratch marks into Emily's face, I could see the crimson haze, I could feel the change...but I didn't something held me back. The fact that she was pregant, with a kid who never did anything to hurt me. Somehow that was enough to hold down my feelings till the reciption when I snuck out when no one was watching. Of course he'd remember.

"Is it getting worse?"

"Emily still wants us to be really close. But I don't think that's possible without me getting caught up in their little love fest and getting hurt. Sue says its unpolite to avoid her, and argues that I should always keep family close."

"You should find a way to do both. There's always a comprimise. And I don't think Emily will bring up Sam when she's around you very often, she knows."

I smiled. Jacob must've actually cared about me. He went from hating me, to disliking me, to being on a near romantic level with me, then being not really paying any attention to me. and now this. Boys are on weird. Especially werewolf boys. We sat down on a log, one inch apart. Part of me wanted to close the space.

"And then there's my dad...I blame myself a lot for his death."

Afraid of his reaction to the silver tear in my eyes, I looked down at the sand. The tear hit the gray sand.

"Leah look me in the eye."

I looked up at those intense, black eyes he had. He looked back into my chocolate eyes.

"It's not your fault you're dad died. It's not your fault Harry had high clolestreral and it's not your fault you're a werewolf. Some things are just decided for us."

We sat there on the log for a long time, listening to the waves make rythemic sounds. I listened to his heart, using my werewolf sences. It was beating steadyily, a comforting sound. For a moment, I thought he was listening to my heart too. But he could of just been lost in thought. A couple minutes passed.

"Hey, I have bad news for you," He said, smirking.

"What?"

He got up and started running quickly to the water, laughing. "I finally beat you in a race!"

"No fair!"

I got up and dashed after him, laughing. I felt like a sophmore again. A sophmore with freakishly fast speed. I was only a two feet behind him now, going so faster than any Olympic athelet.

"Last one to the water has to take the other's patrol duty!"

We both jumped into the water around the same time, with a huge splash. I splashed water on him, giggling. _I win!_

"I win, for the one hundreth time in a row."

He splashed me back. "No, I was one second earlier."

I threw water at him twice. "Well you got a head start."

Another squirt of water hit my face. "That's the point of cheating, Lee-Lee."

Lee-Lee. The nickname Sam had given me so long ago now. No, I told myself. You're not going to let bad memories ruin your future. Not any more.

"True. Tie."

"Fine."

The two of us utterly soaked, started going back to the beach. I haven't laughed like that for a long time. Now of days there was not much to laugh about. But now there was. I had a great time in what felt like ages.

Sighing, we sat back on the log again, staring at the serene sky grins on our faces. It felt good to be actually _happy_ not having to fake for Seth or Sue.

"It's beautiful tonight."

"Perfect," He argeed, but he wasn't looking at the sky nor the ocean. He was looking at me.

There was another moment of quiet.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel any better?"

Yes, I thought to myself. There's two words. Two words I can never say to you. One begins with a l and ends with a v. The other ryhmes with key. But I don't have the guts to say them to you.

"You've already made my day."

"Really. Anything."

Oh crap. I start to have panic inside.I'm caught. What do I tell him? That I love him? That I'm in love with him? That I've _been _in ove with him? Or the fact that I love his sence of humor and somewhat bipolar ways? I didn't prepare for this. There was no "How to tell a guy you love him" class in highschool. I wasn't prepared. _Well here goes._

_"_Well...there's one thing."

"Tell me."

I feel my cheeks grow hot. I look down when I ask. "Kiss me."

Utter silence. Dammit, I think. I've just ruined his night and embarrassed myself. But slowly, his face krept closer to mine. My cheeks grow even more hot in the process. There's a flutter in my heart.

And then our lips met. The kiss was hot when the heat of our bodies met, making it unforgetable. The flutter in my stomach progressed ten fold. My heart was going to jump out of my chest. It grew more passionate, sending my heart racing. The taste was bitter sweet.

When the kiss broke, I was dizzy with feelings I couldn't describe. Jacob was looking right back at me, smiling. But then his expression shifted to guilt.

"I have to go."

"But-" I started.

"I have a soul mate, Leah. We can't be together. I'm sorry...I promised myself I'd...." He trailed off, sounding hurt.

He left me alone. He left me in the dark. He left me heart broken, again. Somehow, it wasn't adding up.

_Run after him you stupid ass! You can catch up to him. _But the shock planted my feet firm on the ground.

He left me with the bittersweet taste of our kiss.

*** Reviews are welcome. Oh and here's a sneak peak of the next chapter, let's just say Leah tries some new drinks. ***


	6. Paper

***I don't own Twilight blah blah blah...***

Chapter six

"Jacob, I want to talk to you,"

It was four days after the kiss stunt and the first time we had spoke since then. I had the guts to confront him about it on his way back from the Cullens' house. He might been playing with his 'soul mate' before I came, which wasn't a good idea because he would be thinking of _it_, but this was his last day here and I wanted to make the best of it. I waited patiently for his reply.

"What is there to talk about?"

_Great this is going well. _I sigh.

"Jacob I realise it was too much for me to ask you to do that but do you think it was a little dramatic for you to leave me out there?"

It's his turn to sigh. He turns to look at me with his black eyes, filled with pity and regret.

"Leah, I don't want to hurt you. Once Nessie looks eighteen, I'm going to fall in love with her whether I want to or not."

"There's alway an exception to the rule."

"Leah..."

"Look at Bella and Edward. Edward can read everyone's thoughts _but _Bella's. Or Alice. She can see everyone's futures _but _ours. Or even me. All the wolves are male _but _me. There's always an exception."

Desperation is a sad thing. He must of been able to see the sick hope in my eyes, trying to find a way around crushing it.

"Not this time. There's no exception. Only the rule."

"Jacob..."

"I'm sorry I kissed you. I must of hurt you." If he knew that I started drank a half a bottle of red wine last night and was going to finish it tonight maybe he wouldn't of even said that.

"Well I'm not."

Jacob gives me a sad smile, as if he knew that already.

"Leah, you don't have to hate Nessie. She's the smartest, kindest little girl in the world. It's not her fault."

_Screw Nessie. _The way he said her name claws me. He says it so wonderfully, so full of admiration and awe. I wish he would say my name that way. The way he says my name is like he says "The" or "paper", just plain. I can't believe I'm so jealous of a three year old, but then again, she does have a huge influnce over the man that I love. All I am to him is paper, while she is everything.

"This isn't about Nessie. It's about us," I said, coldly.

"I'm going to miss you Leah." _Paper._

Two tears slide down my cheek, trailing down my face. "I'm going to miss you too."

"Leah, you're the best beta ever." _Paper._

"Thanks."

"I'll visit in two weeks, okay?"

"Okay."

"Call if you need anything."

"Okay."

He hugs me tightly. It feels nice, but is nothing compared to the way he must hug the demon child. When he lets go he smiles.

"Take care of Seth for me."

I mumble I love you, but I don't think he heard me.

And he walks off. As I watch him leave, the tears start. But I shouldn't feel anything. Because paper does not have emotions. And paper normally doesn't plan on buying some mango tequila.

***Thanks for the reviews for chapter 5! Loved them! Sorry this one is kinda short but I got a little busy. Reviews are more than welcome.**


	7. Long day

***Twilight isn't mine***

Chapter 7

"Leah? Leah, honey?"

Of course it wasn't the voice of the one person in the world I wanted to hear.

I muttered something that sounded like "screw off" into my pillow. My mother was at the door acting all motherly and crap. I did not need that right now. All I wanted was to be alone, in my bed, away from the rest of the world. But of my wishes were being ignored because life is a bitch. Then you die.

"Leah you've been in there for two days only coming out to eat and go to the bathroom. I'm worried about you."

I couldn't find the strength to speak. My mind was still in it's quiet depression mode.

"Leah, you can call Emily. You used to always talk about you're problems with her and feel better. Or you can talk to me."

_That's funny. Emily? You've got to be kidding me._

"Leah!"

Slowly, I find the strength to speak. "I'm fine," I say, sounding like a heart broken crack head. My voice is muffled, but she could still her me fine.

"Leah, I want you to come out."

Groaning and grumbling, I roll of the bed. It feels strange after crying till my eyes bled for two days with nothing but mango tequila to calm my nerves.I didn't want to think about him at all. But I couldn't stop while I was sober. It was like all the things I took forgranted were just occuring to me now, the musky scent on his skin, how long his eyelashes were for a boy; everything I failed to really notice when he was here was amplfiying. Everything reminded me of him, and that was hell.

I could still taste the mango in my mouth as I rose, and I haven't had any for twelve hours...at least I thought I didn't have any...wow. What I rush...

I threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and sighed once more. This was going to be a damn long day.

***

The phone was staring at me, daring me to pick it up, and call Emily. Daring me to touch its keyboard.

_Come on, Leah. You know the number. 131 9813...._

Feeling stupid, I grabbed the phone and pressed the buttons. What I would give for a beer right now!

Like a stocker, she answered on the first ring. It was like she had been waiting for me to call. Which does sound a lot like clingy Emily.

"Hello?" She acted like she didn't know who the hell it was.

"Hi Emily," I feigned enthusiasm pretty damn good. Even though the one person in the world I wanted to talk to was unavailible.

"Oh hi Leah, what's up?"

"Oh you know me. Hating my job as usual." I was going to tell her the story of that one married guy who goes to the bookstore I work at who was trying to hit on me, but I thought better of it. We just weren't close anymore.

"Oh Leah, why don't you just quit?"

"I dunno, guess there is _some advantages_ to it," I paused. "How's the baby?"

I had given Emily the okay to discuss the one topic she wanted to chat about. The baby. Everything these days to her was about the baby. And if it weren't for me rembering she was pregant during the wedding, I shuddered, I might of actually lost control and phased. Which wouldn't of been fun for anyone.

"Oh she's a fiesty one," I heard the smile in her voice.

"How do you know it's a girl?" I asked, interested.

Babies had alway been a bit of interest for me. When I was little, Sue let me help take care of Seth, and ever since I had dreamt about having my own child to hold. I still have beautiful baby dolls in my room with all sorts of different feautures, brown eyes, blonde hair, green eyes, brown skin, light skin, dimples, freckles, etc. Once I learned I could not concieve a child I threw a bitch fit. But that was all in the past now, or at least I thought I was over it. It's hard to tell with me.

"I just always wanted a girl. But I suppose I wouldn't mind having a boy either."

"What are you thinking about naming her?"

Emily thought for a moment. "I've thought of Lily, Bianca, Halee, and Zoe but nothing seems to work. I guess I'll have to see her first."

"I bet she'll be beautiful."

"Thanks."

"How does it feel like to have _her _inside of you?"

"Strange and wonderful. Like you're never alone. I can feel her little presence inside of me; life inside of me. Kinda like a butterfly inside of you, well...no. I can't really describe it. I'm just picturing her in my head, all the time, wondering what she might look like. Her hair texture, her eye color, even the shape of her nose."

Even though I wasn't pregant I could picture my own child. A happy baby boy, with bright black eyes and dimples. Though, the image is pleasing, I chose to push it away. Because it is something that can't happen. And for one other reason.

The baby has jacob's eyes. And I have issues.

I feel the agony again. I remember Bella, from Jacob's memories, describing it as a hole in her chest. This was worse. It was like a damn silver knife had been stabbed into my chest, and then twisted clockwiswe. Sadism is a dark thing.

"Well, Em, it was nice talking to you but I got to go."

"Bye Leah."

"Bye Em. Good luck with the baby."

"Thanks." 

"Bye."

Oddly, It actually felt good after two days of no human contact to talk to someone. Maybe I'm losing my mind after all.

I decided to take a walk in the woods, because I have no damn life and had nothing to do till six. As I strolled down the path, I thought I caught a whiff of stale vampire stench, but it could of been my imagination. After all, I had been drinking last night and was craving more. That tends to mix up your scense.

That's when I heard a wolf howl. I found a safe place to change and decided to go for it. Just as I said earlier, this was going to be a long day.

***Thanks for the reviews last time and I'll try my best to update soon, by next Sunday at the latest.**


	8. Last thought

***I don't own Twilight...and thanks for your support!***

Chapter 8

_Why in the world would you take it on by yourself, you idiot! Why are you moving so slow? Kick her ass!_

Nothing mattered but Seth as I struggled to run even faster than I already was. Running had always been my thing, I had started track in 4th grade and never got anything lower than second place even before I became a werebitch. But this was different than running for pleasure. This was running for my dumb ass brother's life.

_I thought I could handle her. But she has some odd power that I didn't know about. She kinda slows you down, makes you feel like you're underwater. It's dizzying, I see so_

_B.S. you should of got help in the first place._

_Sorry._

As I saw it through my brother's naive, delusional eyes, I thought he was really dumb for thinking he could take her on. She was a damn giant, tall enough to be a model-if she was human, that is. Her hair was a chestnut color that was thrown into a long messy ponytail. Her dress was a hue of peach that was considered fashionble, but the edges were dirty and tattered;her eyes were too dark to be a new born's. Seth was fighting a runway model gone wrong.

_Don't worry, I'm coming._

_So am I._ Embry thought. He was a bit further away than I was, but it was good enough for me. As long as he was going to help me kill this bitch.

_Seth, watch out!_

She struck my brother's head with a great ammount of force. Blood dripped down from the cut, she then wrinkled her nose in disgust, like Seth's blood wasn't good enough for her or something. I was getting pissed off, no more than pissed off. NO VAMPIRE TOUCHES MY BROTHER!

_OH HELL TO THE DAMN NO!!!_

Doubling my speed, I headed toward the spot where Seth was. I was getting closer to them, so I prepared for attack, I was right behind her The vampire-ess hit my brother's hind leg, making him whine in pain. She didn't notice that I was right behind her, because Seth and I have almost the same scent. By the time she made the distintion, it was too late. I already hit her so hard she was seeing stars.

The vampire whipped her head around, to demonstrate her freakish power to me-on me-and I slowed down. Seth hadn't described her 'gift' right. It was not like being underwater. More like running through Jello. There was even an odd tint to everything. It made me just as slow as a fit human, which doesn't cut it when you're hunting vampires. Her power flickered between Seth and I, at a intense speed. It was even more confusing when it was on and off. She repeatedly attacked Seth, not laying a finger on me. That pissed me off.

_Dammit, Seth. _

_Hey you're the one who came after me._

_Move closer to me._

_Why?_

I growled. _Just do it._

_Listen to Leah, Seth. _Embry told him.

I we both moved to the same spot on the ground and I curled around him to protect him from the blows. Each one hurt, but it was better than facing the possiblity that I might lose him. I wasn't losing anyone else. Everyone I cared about has either abandoned me, broken me, died, or a strange combination of the three. I wasn't losing anyone else. I thought that at some point Seth would inmprint on some bitch and she would make him move to Norway or somewhere far away like that, but I wasn't going to let anything hurt him.

_Leah, I don't think I should let you do this._

Crack! I felt a bone crack. There was blood trailing down my stomach, hitting the ground. My body was making an effort to heal itself, but the hits kept on coming. But I felt the pain in a distant way, as if it wasn't really me feeling it. The brunette was beating the hell out of me but I didn't move.

_I can handle it._

The next blow was to my face, it could taste the blood but couldn't scense anything more. And after that, utter darkness. And my last thought was this:

_Jacob._

***Reviews are welcome.***


	9. Pure mind? Yeah right

***Sorry for not updating but here's the next chapter!!! And Twilight isn't mine!***

Chapter 9

**Jacob's POV**

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

"Jacob?"

I stared at Sue in the doorway as she stared back at me. She must've thought I was an asshole for leaving her daughter to rot.

"Hi ."

She forced a smile on her tired face. She looked like a soldier who had seen to many rough battles. "I assume you're her to see Leah, correct?"

I nodded.

She led me to the tidy living room where the crumpled form of Leah Clearwater lay on a couch in a light blue dress, knocked dead out. The few scars on her body were quickly fading, but she still didn't look healthy. Seth was spoon feeding her chicken noodle soup. Sue sighed heavily and went upstairs.

"How long has she been like this?" I asked.

"Three damn days."

Seth glared at me, angry. _Great. Even Seth is pissed at me. Way to go, Jacob._

"Is the vampire dead?"

Seth nodded. "No thanks to your ass."

"Hey, what did _I _do?" Even though I knew, I asked.

He got up, steaming. "Well let's see, you left the entire tribe for you're stupid would-be girlfriend, and fucked around with my sister's heart."

I opened my mouth to say something, but he cut me off.

"Leah would of been able to take it usually she would of just moved on to someone better than you. Like Embry, he's the one along with Bella, who kicked that vamp's sorry ass to China. She belongs with someone like Embry, you should of seen him beat the shit out of that leech for Leah. But no, you were too busy molesting Renesmee to care about her. She could of gotten over you if she hadn't been broken so many times. You were the straw that broke the camel's back.

All I could do was stare at "kid" Seth Clearwater. He had just given voice to my greatest fears: I had hurt her. I thought that if I gave into the imprint and stopped her from getting too attached to me early, then I would be saving her from hurting even more when I fell in love with Nessie later on. But did I love her? Was it possible to fall in love while you imprinted already? Wasn't the perfect Nessie my soul-mate? Was I in love with Leah Clearwater? _makes everything more complicated._

Wryly, Seth half-grinned. "You know I used to look up to you. But now I see you for what you are: a heartless basturd with no concern for other people."

"Seth?"

The montone muble came from the sofa. Leah was awake, which made me wonder if she heard any of her brother's rant. If she did, she didn't give anything away.

"Jacob?"

"Hey."

I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. About a two years ago, she had a sparkle in her brown eyes, a desire to fucking live and have fun while she did it. Her skin back then looked lit from within, and her smile was radiant. She still looked beautiful, but haunted. Like one of those sad paintings of the after effects of wars. And I feared I was the basturd artist that made her that way.

"Leah-" She held her hand up to stop me.

"It's all forgiven."

And I wondered to myself why in the hell I ever caused her any drama in the first place. Dammit! Dammit Dammit!

***Did I do a job of Jacob's POV? Let me know!***


	10. Girls are so confusing

***Twilight does not belong to me and it's a good idea to play one of the songs Leah's listening to while you're reading. :)***

Chapter 10

It felt a little strange to be back home. _Everyone-_except Seth-was elated to see me. It was as if they forgot that I had left them for Canda (again). Even in wolf form, no one thought bad of me. Which made me feel even _more _guilty.

Quil and I were on patrol, trying to hunt down the vampire who hurt Leah's mate. All the time when Embry, the Cullens, and I were destroying her she kept screaming some nonsense about 'Fernado'. She could of been bluffing, but I wasn't taking any chances. For all we knew, Fernado could of been a seven foot tall vampire with the power to kill someone by looking at them. And with my luck, I wouldn't be surprised.

_So, how's life been without me? _I asked.

_I've missed you, bro. And so has you're little girlfriend. _He was hinting at something.

_You mean Leah? _If I was human, I would of blushed.

Quil gave me his his wolf version of his laugh.

_You know who I mean._

_Leah is _not _my girlfriend. _

_Is she mad at you?_

I paused, thinking. Leah had seemed like she had forgiven me. But there was something depressing inside her dead eyes. Something that gave me doubt...

_You know, I know _exactly _what would be the perfect gift_. _You get my drift? _I could picture him wiggling his eyebrows.

It took me a couple of seconds to get what he was hinting. _QUIL!!!_

_What? I never said anything._

_Are you suggesting that me and Leah-_

He barked his laugh again. _I never said anything._

_I have an imprintee, Quil. You know that. _I tried to put irritation in my tone, but it just wasn't showing up.

_Are you sure? Because I've seen the way you look at her. _

That caught my attention. _How do I look at her?_

_The gooey gooey way you used to look at Bella Swan._

_No way._

_Yes way. By the way, I bet you five bucks that when you find her she'll be drinking._

_No deal. How'd you even find out? _Dammit! That wasn't good. She must've stopped being careful.

_I have my ways, Black. I have my ways._

_Tell anyone and the only thing you'll have left is your ways._

We both phased back behind a huge pine tree. Once we were fully dressed, we started walking back. I felt like a big dummy.

"You really are sick, Quil. You know that right?"

He shrugged. "Whatevs."

"But I am going to see Leah."

Quil raised an eyebrow. "Are you gonna-"

"NO QUIL!!!"

"See you later gater."

Quil gave me one of his devilish smirked and walked off.

"And don't tell anyone!" I yelled after him, but he was already gone. But I knew he heard me.

It still bothered me that Quil knew. Nothing good could from that. Plus, that meant she was getting reckless. The image of Leah, sitting down with a beer killing the few brain cells she had left haunted me on the way to her house.

I was right to not bet Quil on whether she was drinking or not. Because there she was on porch, drinking a glass of red wine, wearing headphones to listen to her music. She took them out when she saw me. She was dressed like she did when she was on patrol, a distracting pretty dress. Today's shade was fusha. I could faintly hear the song; Pink's "Don't Let Me Get Me."

_I'm a hazard to myself._

_Don't let me get me._

_Wanna be somebody else._

Leah pressed the pause button. "Hey, Jacob."

"You know, alcohol is empty calories." I sat down beside her, feeling the heat between our two bodies.

She shrugged. "Werewolves calories to hunt vampires. Besides, we can't gain weight."

"Point."

There was a silence. "I'm sorry, Leah. I'm sorry I ever led you on."

She gave me the same sexy half-smile that used to drive boys wild in when she was in highschool. "Just know that whenever you're done playing house with the vampires-whenever you're done being their dog, I'm free."

Next, she she put one of her earbuds back in, and offered me one. Faintly smiling, I took it. We sat there, listening to music for a long time. I could hear her singing along to the lyrics.

Leah had a beautiful voice. Somehow, it reminded me of a cross between my mother's voice and Alicia Keys'. It was soothing. Nothing like my voice when I sang, I always sounded like a dying cat. So I didn't sing with her, but listened to her voice.

Suddenly, she switched songs during the start of my least favorite song. It was then "Halo" by Beyonce. She must've been sending me a message, because she stopped singing.

_Remember those walls I built?_

_Well baby they're tumblin' down._

_Didn't even put up a fight._

_Didn't even make a sound._

Slowly, I felt warmth spreading to my cheeks. I tried to make eye contact, but she wouldn't meet my eye. Silently panicking, I tried to think of something to say. What was there to say? For then trillionth time in counting, I felt stupid. I was clueless girl-wise. When the song was over she got up, kissed me on the corner of my mouth and left. Girls are so confusing.

***How'd I do? If you didn't know any of the songs (which I don't own), let me know ones to use for the next chapter, Hint; The next chapter has Jacob visit Nessie.***


	11. Could this get any more complicated?

***On a sad note, Twilight isn't mine. But on a happy note, I learned to deal with that. Thanks for the reviews! :)***

Chapter 11

The whole Leah thing was frustrating. I mean, it's not that I didn't like her, it's just that I didn't think that I liked her in the same way she liked me. Leah was faithful; the best beta any alpha could wish for. She was pretty-she could be a model if she wanted to be-and had a special something to her that made people feel strongly about her. But it just wasn't enough to break the imprint. Not by a long shot. _If I could explain to her in a kind way that someday she'll find someone who was made for her that wasn't me-_

The sharp ring of the phone made me lose track of my brooding. I grabbed the phone knowing _exactly _who it was. It was _her._

"Jacob!"

Her childish voice poured through the phone. Nessie!

"Hey Nessie!" I smiled at the sound of her voice.

"Oh my goodness Jacob, I've missed you ever so much," She said with perfect grammar and manners, as always.

"I've missed you too, kid."

She sighed dramatically. "I am exactly eight."

I chuckled. "More like three and about three quarters."

"Age is just a number. In fact, as of now, I am taking 7th grade mathamatics. Edward's teaching me ratios."

"Wow, Ness. I'm proud of you."

"I'm not. Bella hindered me from learning at a regular school, she strongly is under the illusion that I have no control."

"So? You can do just as well at school or at home. And if you _really _want to go to a normal, human school just remind her the last time you slipped up."

There was a pause. "Ugh...that was exactly one years, eleven months, ten days, and five hours ago. And rest assure, no one got hurt."

"See? You can use that as something to convience her to let you go to grade school."

"Thanks, Jacob. Everyone here misses you so much. Even Auntie Rosie!"

In the background, I heard a muffled "No I didn't". It made me laugh.

She then added. "Besides, if the vampire problem worsens, I'd be elated to assist you in your vampire slaying."

"Eight," I reminded her, sighing.

"I recall you proclaiming I was three," I imagined her smirking.

"Fine, you win. But no vamp-hunting until you _look _like you're sixteen," I paused for a moment,"And a half."

"As you wish."

"And say hello to your Uncle Jasper for me. Also remind him that he owes me a new car."

"I shall. Bye, Jacob. Good luck destroying the fiend!"

"Thanks, Ness. Bye."

I set the phone back on the receiver, and walked to the kitchen to get a sandwich. A few seconds later, the phone rung again. _Why am I so popular lately?_

I picked it up, thinking it would be Nessie calling back. But it wasn't. It was Seth. I felt odd, speaking to him after...yeah.

"Um..hi Seth?"

"Hi Jacob. Look, I'm sorry I said all those things, okay?"

"It's cool. I understand how you felt."

"Well, it still wasn't right, even if I was pissed off. It's just, I don't like to see her upset. And when she started drinking..."

"Wait, how'd you know that?"

Oh crap. That couldn't be good. If more and more people were finding out that couldn't mean anything was improving.

"She still thinks I'm a kid. She doesn't really think that I would know the signs or anything."

"Does Sue know?"

"Nope."

Sue and Leah had an odd relationship ever since Harry died. Sue was always a supportive parent for Leah, made sure she got passing grades, didn't get into trouble, and all that, but after Harry died, she was pushing her too hard. Leah was always eager to make her mother proud, but Sue didn't notice her accomplishments anymore. The only time Sue really noticed her is when she was messing up. And then all she got was scolding and complaints. Leah often said Seth was her favorite. She also growled that she didn't care what Sue thought of her anyway. But you could tell she did. Leah was trying to get just a teeny hint of attention from Sue, and she didn't care if it was negetive. So the fact that Sue didn't know, but Quil-someone who didn't even live in their house-knew must of drove her crazy. It was kinda sad.

"Who else knows?"

"I don't know...Quil knows but thats just about it..."

"Listen Seth, you can't tell _anyone _about this. Not yet. If she does anything stupid, tell me."

"Got it."

"So we're cool now, little buddy?"

"As long as you stop calling me little buddy." I heard the grin in his tone.

"Deal."

"This conversation never happened. Got it? She'd shred me to bits."

"Agreed." Leah would kill me too if she found out I was working with her brother, like some sort of werewolf version of the FBI.

"Bye Jacob."

"Bye Seth."

I put the phone down and _finally _got my sandwich. But by that time, I wasn't hungry.

***Thanks again for the reviews, and I WILL use the songs in the next chapter. Did I do a good job of making Nessie the Mary-Sue child of Edward and Bella? Any comments or suggestions? Don't be shy!***


	12. Sam won't be to happy about this

***SM owns Twilight***

Chapter 12

"Leave Leah alone."

I didn't notice Sam standing behind me, until he was close enough for me to touch. Or hit.

"Excuse me?" I looked up from the sports section in the newspaper, and stopped humming Nelly Furtado's "Maneater", even though it was my current favorite song.

I was just minding my own business, sitting in the park, reading. No one really was in the park, because it was raining on and off. I didn't think me reading would be a problem for anyone. Guess I was wrong.

His dark eyes grew stormy. "You heard me, Black. I said _stay the hell away from Leah."_

I set the paper down next to me on the bench. "What, no hello?"

"She's been through too much too be hurt by a loser like you."

I stood up, trying not to get angry. "Look who's taking, Mr.I'm- married- to-my-ex's-cousin."

Sam pretended not to hear me, so I continued to egg him on.

"And then you expect her to show up to the wedding like, 'La dee la dee lah! I am so happy for my cousin and ex-boyfriend even though they both ripped my heart out and took turns pissing on it!' Really? Are you really going to give me that shit?"

He started faintly trembling, bringing a smile to my face. I had accomplished my mission.

"I had no choice!"

"Neither did I."

"Just stop pretending you revolve around her one minute and then acting like she doesn't exist the next."

I couldn't think of a better insult so I said, "Just look at you." I laughed as I saw him shake, "Is little Sammy boy having some anger issues? Newsflash, I'm not fucking scared of you."

That did it. Sam Uley phased out of furry, to kill me. But I was ready for him. Exactly one point two seconds after he phased, so did I, meeting his attack head on. It was harder to fight a wolf without being able to read his thoughts. I was able to shove him into a tree, while he was snapping at my neck. He drew blood, maybe secretly enjoying the taste. Growling, I clawed his face. _Now you know how your Emily feels..._

With sudden force, he kicked out his back paws, sending me tumbling. He went for my chest while I was upside down, but I rolled over and managed to jump on top of him. I mustered up all my strength and dug my teeth into his back. Blood gushed out like I had crushed a juice box. I threw him back onto the oak tree.

"Stop it! Both of you!"

I piveted to see Leah, horrified at her two "loves" fighting. All I could do was look at her, because I had never seen her cry. Her ultra-long lashes were tangled by the tears. But I didn't have enough time to ponder this, because Sam struck me again.

"Dammit! I said stop it!"

Leah then, too exploded, but only to get Sam off of me. Seth joined her, but only to protect Leah just in case he lashed out at her.

Sam made quick eye contact with Leah and let go off my neck. He glanced at her one last time and ran off.

_What the _hell _were you two thinking? Dammit, this was my favorite outfit!_

_Hey, he's the one who jumped me first. What were you doing here anyway, Leah?_

Seth answered for her. _We found the vampire. _

_Great, where is it?_

Leah and Seth exchanged alarmed glances. _Uh...well we were on our way to Emily's house and...this was on the way..._

_Just speak English, Seth._

_Getting closer to Emily's. As we _speak! Leah thought.

Oh. My. God.

***Heheheh. I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Did you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it? Doubt it. But if you did let me know.***


	13. CSI:Werewolf version

***Blah blah blah...I don't own Twilight or CSI or 24.***

Chapter 13

_If it was anyone but Emily _Leah thought, frantic.

She was a good ten yards ahead of Seth and I, ripping through the forest to get to her cousin's house. I knew the feelings of resentment buurried deep within her heart for Emily, but those weren't as strong as the bond they devolped when they were just babies. Leah was going to kick this vampire's ass.

_Calm down, Leah. _Seth tried to soothe her, but if anything, it made her more angry.

_I can't calm down! What if he's biten her and changed her already and she's stuck a vampire with a damn child inside her forever?_

That thought was ridiculous. _Leah, that's impossible. If she turned into a vampire, the vampire venom would destory her child._

_No! Not her child! _Leah sped up. If she didn't slow down soon, Seth was going to have an asthma attack.

_Yeah nice job, Jacob. You really calmed her down._

I knew the reason she was so concerned about the kid. Not because it was her cousin's kid, although that might of been part of it. The real reason she was worried, I thought to myself sourly, is because its _his _child. Oh crap. I shouldn't of thought that.

_Well, yes Jacob I guess I'm just a little upset that my child...I mean Emily's....is in danger. I always wanted to have a little boy, but now because I'm cursed to hunt vampires with a bunch of gay boys for all eturnity._

_Hey! _Seth thought. _That's offensive to the gay community!_

_Wow. You still love him after all this time and after everything he's done to you?_

Leah tried to ignore the question, but it's hard not to think about something once you hear it. _Yes Jacob. But not nearly as much as I used to._

And then she thought something else before she could stop herself. _Not the same hopeless way I'm in love with you. _No comment.

We finally reached Emily's house. The smell grew stronger and stronger as we approuched the door.

_Shall I ring the doorbell? _Seth mused. _Or use my awesome mutant werewolf strength to break down the door? _Seth tried, for a weak attempt at humor.

Leah shot him a death look.

_Right. Break down the door._

With a mighty blow to the door, the entire thing collapsed. We stormed in, feeling slightly sick from the strong stench of vampire. If I wasn't so used to it by now, I'm sure I would of thrown up. I hate vampires-minus the Cullens.

_You and Leah take upstairs, I'll check downstairs. _I thought to Leah and Seth.

I poked around in the kitchen, through the living room, in the closet and the bathroom, aware that at any moment "Fernado" might come and try to maul my face off. It's not the first time someone has tried to do that, you know. I had a very unpleasant encounter with Victoria.

_Nothing. _Leah panicked. _What if...what if he took her?_

_I don't think so..._Seth said, sniffing around. _Her scent is too faint to match the strong smell of vampire. Besides, Emily is rarely at home any more because she's preparing for the baby. It doesn't add up._

_What is this, the werewolf version of CSI? _I scoffed.

_I think it's more like a werewolf version of 24._ Seth mused, sounding like someone off the show.

_Oh did you see that one episode where the-_

_Guys! Let's focus here. My cousin is missing, and you're making stupid jokes about crime shows that only nerds have the time to watch._

_I'm not a nerd. _I said, defensive.

_Whatev. We have to think about where she could be._

_I don't know. Maybe she's out shopping. _Seth concluded.

_But why would the vampire visit her house? She has nothing to do with this. Embry, The Cullens, and Jacob killed what's-her-name. _Leah thought, getting more and more worried.

I knew the answer already, I had seen too many crime shows not to. A warning.

***Oooo cliff! Thanks for last weeks review's plus the reviews that you might give me now. :)***


	14. Um no comment

***I don't own Twilight***

Chapter 14

It's been over a week since I had seen Nessie. We've talked on the phone and everything almost everyday, but it's still not the same. I want to be able to _see _her. And it's all thanks to _him._

We had been hunting this vampire for days, he was always just _there _but never within reach. He left traces of his smell in places like the playground, the school; places where children and babies were likely to be seen in. It was a threat, just letting us knoe that he's there...and waiting. I had spent all of last night with Embry, hunting for the bloodsucker, but still no cigar. I hate leeches.

But here I was, dreaming, but only because Seth had pleaded to take my midnight shift for me. At first I said no, but then Leah and Seth tagged teamed me, saying that if there was anyone that needed some shut-eye, it was me. And for the first time in forever, I was peacefully dreaming, and for the first time since I imprinted_,_ I didn't dream of Nessie. I dreamt of _her._

It was the magical night Leah and I had spent on the beach, together. It was the only night that I had ever come close to forgeting I had imprinted. If I hadn't imprinted, Leah and I would of been perfect for each other. Like puzzle pieces. We both had been broken before, we both had lost a parent, we were both werewolves we were faithful, we both had sort of the same sence of humor, and sometimes we held a vendetta. Leah and I were like a matching set. So alike, it was almost scary.

But clearly, fate had other intentions. Fate knew that I belonged with Renesmee, not Leah. But not tonight. Just for one night, I would give into my feelings and be hers. One night. Just one little night.

The moonlight made Leah look beautiful, like a moon goddess. When we kissed in my dream, I didn't stop her and remind her of my imprinting. After a few seconds of indifference, I kissed her back with as much passion that I could muster. And that was a lot.

I had come to the shocking conclusion: I liked kissing Leah Clearwater, the so-called "Harpy of La Push". I enjoyed the strong heat between our two bodies, enough to pop a bag off popcorn. I was elated to taste the strong cinamon of her mouth. I got a rush off of her touch. But I shouldn't have. _Jacob Black make up your damn mind!_

Now I knew I had gone too far. But there was no going back, just moving foward. So I didn't stop. I just moved foward.

_Ring!_

The sharp ring of the phone woke me up. I looked at the clock, three ten. Who the hell calls at three in the damn morning? _This had better be important. Or Renesmee. Either way, it best not be a prank call from Colin or Brady._

"Hello?" I said in a dead voice.

"We got him, Jacob!" It was Seth, overly eager at three in the morning. Only Seth could manage that.

"Great," I said, sounding like a zombie.

"Oh....yeah you must of been sleeping. Sorry."

"It's okay," I lied.

"Well, I don't want to disturb your sleep, so bye!"

"Bye."

I thought I heard Leah mutter something on the other end before the line went dead. Leah.

Crap.

***Like it? Hate it? Lemme know !***


	15. I meant it

***Twilight is not mine***

Chapter 15

Finally. The only thing holding me back from being around Nessie, 24/7 was dead, and burnt in the grass, miles away from my house. I could go back to living with the Cullens. There was so much I missed about living over at their house. I missed kicking Emmett's ass whenever we played chess, making bets with Jasper, creating blond jokes to annoy the hell out of barbie, and laughing with Bella. But most of all, I missed Nessie. I missed going hunting with her, watching her grow, change, and learn things I still didn't know. If you ever want to know the capital of some strange, distant country or some strange mutation, ask her. She knows the most random facts that no one else seems to know. That's one of the traits she has that I loved the most.

But at the same time, I didn't want to go. It didn't make sense, when you imprint on someone, you want to be with them _all _the time. So why did part of me just want to stay here, and never leave?

Fine, I'll admit it. I liked her. Okay, maybe a little more than like. But still, I refused to be a heartless basturd like Sam, and lead her on. I was nicer than that. Way nicer.

_You have to set her straight. You can't have her pining after you like a lovestruck puppy dog._

I was in the park again. I always go there, just to clear my head. A long time ago, my mother used to take me there all the time just to admire nature. It was one of the few memories I had of her, and I held on to it with all my will. I refused to forget her. It felt like Sarah Black was slipping away from the world, like a faded dream that no one could remember anymore. An echo, an empty shell. But I held on to the pieces, not knowing what to do.

I smiled as I saw her favorite flower growing in the grass, jasmine. But before I could pick it, Seth ran looking upset.

"Jacob!"

"What's wrong?" I asked, not knowing his answer would change my entire life forever.

"Leah," He breathed, frantic.

"What's happened?"

Seth paled a little bit, and looked ten years younger. "She's passed out on the bathroom floor. She's not moving. I'm not sure if she has a pulse."

"What?!" I was raging now. I was angry at Leah. How could she do this to herself?

"She was holding a bottle of white wine. There were more scattered around her and...and." The sound of his own pained sobs cut his words off.

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Damn!

"Let's go," I shouted, grabbing his hand.

I ran faster than I ever did in my entire life. If Leah was here to race me, she might of actually come in second. But if I didn't hurry, Leah and I might've ever race again.

Seth fumbled with the keys when we got to his house. His hands were trembling pretty badly, but he managed to swing open the door. We both dashed up stairs at top werewolf speed, and thrusted open the bathroom door. And sure enough, there she was.

Empty bottles were discarded all around the broken form of Leah Clearwater. She was wearing a white shirt underneath a pink bathrobe, and black soccer shorts. I remembered a long time ago, she used to play soccer with Rachel. But now she played another game, a drinking one. She clutched that bottle like it was the most important thing in the world. But it was the same thing that made her its slave. Leah looked pale, maybe in a coma or something. But not dead. I reached down to feel her pusle. Alive. For now, anyway.

"What's all this racket?"

Sue came up the stairs, a bill in hand. I prayed she didn't have to see her daughter like this. A broken ragdoll, a ghost of a girl who used to wear neon headbands, and giggle at almost everything.

Sue strolled right into the bathroom, like nothing was wrong at all. Until she saw Leah.

"Leah! What the fuck is wrong with you!"

She struck her thigh, in an attempt to wake her. Sue didn't hurt her when she did that, but instead it hurt me.

"Mom, I don't think that's a good idea."

"To hell it isn't! Dammit, Leah, when you wake up, I'm going to kick your ass!"

Sue shook her at the shoulders repeatedly. I thought I saw Leah's eyelids flutter, as if she was trying to wake up. Sue let go, and let her fall to the cold bathroom floor.

"Be gentle, Mom."

Slowly, Leah started to wake up. She looked sick to her stomach, and didn't seem to notice any of us. She staggered forward, to throw up all the gallons of poison she had taken into her body.

"Leah."

I pulled her long bangs away from her forehead as she heaved. I caressed her back, just trying to passify her. No one dared to utter a word. When she was finished, she finally seemed to understand what was going on. Her eyes darted from Seth, Sue and then finally to me. Her eyes narrowed to accuse me.

"Hey," I told her, "I didn't bust you. You busted yourself."

"Whatever."

She reached to grab the bottle she had been holding, as if it was no big deal.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You were passed out cold; Seth thought you were dead! And now you want more?" I fumed, shaking so hard it was almost hard to see straight.

_Calm, Jacob. Calm. _The vibrating slowed down, but didn't stop all the way.

"Why do _you _care, anyway? All you care about is your precious devil spawn, _Renesmee_. I don't even matter to you."

She took a huge gulp out of the bottle. She was totally drunk.

Sue piveted her attention to me "Do something, will you? You're her alpha!"

I didn't want to do this. Ever. But I had warned her if she got too dangerous with her precious wine that I'd have to save her from herself. I sucked in a deep breath, and prayed I wouldn't regret this later.

"LEAH CLEARWATER YOU ARE GOING TO QUIT DRINKING RIGHT NOW, OR YOU ARE GOING TO REHAB!" I used the alpha tone for the first time, not liking the sound of it.

I could see Leah struggling under the weight of my command, like huge stones pressed against her. It pained me to see her like this, a ghost of her former kick-ass strong self. It would be so much easier for her to submit and quit.

"Seth, Jacob, I want a few moments alone with my daughter." Sue's expression was unreadable.

I stood up. "Yes ." I left the room, and headed down the stairs, with Seth not to far behind me.

"I _hate _you Jacob Black!" She screeched.

Well...that's not the first time I've heard that.

***Oh I hate writing such sad chapters....but I had to do this. Reviews are welcome, along with flames.***


	16. Suicide sucks

***SM owns Twilight blah blah blah***

Chapter 16

"Seth, is everything okay?"

I had left him alone with his drunken sister, and raving mother in a broken home. For all I knew, Sue could of hanged her child from the shower head. And from the way she was acting last night, I almost won't be surprised.

No respounce.

"Seth? Are you alright?"

"She's gone," He muttered to himself.

"What?"

Maybe my werewolf hearing was deceiving me. She was livid, and drunk but she really wouldn't leave, would she? She couldn't leave the town she had been born and raised in, the town where she had last seen Harry?

"I think it's best you come over," He said, distant.

I was expecting the worst, like blood smeared all over the kitchen walls, severed heads in the bathtub, or something, but what I was about to see was a thousand times worse. I reached Leah's-I mean Seth's-house as quickly as I could. I braced myself for the unknown horrors that I was about to face as I knocked on the door. Sue was the last person I expected to see at the door, but there she was.

"Where is she?" Sue demanded, shaking me back and forth.

Her eyes were wild, beyond reason, along with her hair. Sue was in one of Leah's casual cotton summer dresses, that Leah wore so she wouldn't have to carry so much when she was on patrol. It was the eggshell blue one, Leah's favorite. It was really long on her.

"I said, where is she? My Madeline?"

Seth stepped forward, gently pulling his mother out of the way. "Sorry about that. I think she has PTSD or something. Come on in."

I trailed behind Seth, sullen. Sue was still staring at me, mad. "Who's Madeline?"

"The note explains everything."

As we went deeper and deeper into the Clearwaters' house, I could see the wreckage. Sue always had the Clearwaters' organized to the last sheet of paper, but not anymore. Papers, books, furniture, and clothes were abandoned in the most random places. Broken glass was shattered across the kitchen tiles, threating to cut anyone who set foot inside the kitchen. The table in the dining room turned over, and one of the legs were broken off and stuck out at an odd angle. The pillows were shreded to bits, and their feathers were everywhere. Everything was chaos. It was hard for me to imagine little Sue, only 5'3, throwing this massive fit of destruction. And there, on the counter, was the note that caused all this, neatly folded in half.

Seth, calmly plucked the note up from the counter like it was a ripe berry or something. He then handed it to me. I unfolded it, not sure what to expect this time. I reread the note three times just to make sure it was Leah's rough handwriting. I wanted it to be fake. I wanted it all to be a sick joke, and then have Leah storm in here, wet from the rain. But there it was, staring me in the face:

Mom,

Don't go looking for me. You can't undo what you've said and done. I may of never been your child but you didn't have to act like I wasn't. Ever since dad died, you've made me feel like I don't belong here. And I never did. My real mother is in Georgia, remember? All my ties to this place have been severed. My dad is dead. Everytime I step out of the house I have to see my ex and my cousin make goo-goo eyes at each other. Seth, my _half _brother betrayed me. Jacob doesn't want me. And last but not least, you hate me. All I ever wanted was to please you. And I could of, if you let me. This is the last time you'll ever see me. Alive. I'm going to join my _real _mother now.

-Leah

This had to be a lie. If Leah wasn't Sue's, than who's was she?

"Who is Leah's mother?"

Seth looked at me and sighed. "A woman named Carly. I don't know much about her...some lawyer in Georgia."

"Harry cheated on Sue with-"

Seth cut me off. "No. Carly was Harry's girlfriend before Sue. When they broke up and she moved off the rez, he didn't know Carly was pregant with Leah. A couple years later he found love with Sue and married her. And then came Madeline, Sue's first daughter. And her first miscarage. Sue was heartbroken. Maybe that's why she accepted Leah as her daughter. She always wanted a baby girl..."

I stared at him. This was too much to take in. I felt like I was on one of those lame soap operas where people remarried and had tons of babies and got with their step brothers or teachers.

"She said she was going to join her real mother, so all we have to do is track her down in Georgia right?"

Seth slowly shook his head, tryng hard not to break down into a fit of sobs. "Carly is dead."

It took me a moment to understand why he was so upset, and when I did, I felt numb. I didn't feel anything. It was too much for me to handle. "She's going to...kill herself?"

My body began to tremble, I could feel my temper rising. Leah couldn't kill herself. She had too much to live for. "_HOW DARE SHE!!!!" _I yelled to no one but myself

I crumbled the note out of rage. Pounding on the wall, cursing. Nothing. She had died for nothing. And it was my fault. If I had just given her something to live for...screw imprinting. I felt myself begin to phase, the red haze began to wash over me._ Calm Jacob. Jasmine, cars, chocolate, happy thoughts._

"I always wanted a little girl. But now she's gone." I heard Sue mumble under her breath.

I piveted to see tiny Sue Clearwater with a knife pressed against her wrist, smiling as if she had won a contest. No."And now so am I."

Before Seth and I could tense, she plunged it into her vein. Blood stained the carpet, and Sue fell to her knees, still smirking. Seth screamed and rushed to her side with a dish rag, trying to soak up the blood and keep her alive. I dashed to the phone to call the police.

_Leah. It's me. I know you can't hear me, but please. Come back. We need you. I need you._

A silver teardrop slid down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly.

_Please._

Sue sucked in a deep breath, slowly dying.

_For Sue._

I turned to see Seth, suffering next to his mother. His tear drops hit the floor, making no sounds.

_For Seth._

I sighed, trying to look tough for Seth. If I cried, it would get much worse.

_For me._

***Sniff sniff...please review.***


	17. Bye

***SM owns Twilight but I'm sure you all know that by now***

Chapter 17

**The night Leah ran away...**

_Not mine._

The words echoed through my brain, leaving their mark. To anyone else, the words would of meant little. To me, they meant the end of the world. Well, at least my world. Because these words meant the start of a new era. A darker one.

Carly Evans had always been my true mother. There was no denying that now. But still, Sue didn't have to reveal this information in such a spiteful way. Her words left their mark on me, like a burn mark or a scar. _You're not mine. Maybe if you were you'd know better. _

I wiped the tears away from my eyes and sat up on my bed. _No more crying Lee. We're sick and tired of crying._

_You're not mine. Maybe if you were, you'd know better. _Her words may of been harsh, but they might've been true as well. I didn't know very much about Carly, all I knew was that she was with my dad for three years, and when they broke up, she moved to Georgia to continue her career as a lawyer. She had died in a plane crash, and in the will it stated that she wanted me to be with my dad. She had given half her money to my grandma, and the other half to me. Carly had left me two houses; a small one in Montana and a large one in Georgia. And that's it. No more, no less.

_Not mine. _I couldn't sleep like this. And I couldn't _live _like this. Everyone I loved had let me down. Emily, Sam, Jacob, Sue, even Seth. Well it was my turn to let them down. It was my turn to break promises and manipulate people's feelings. And it was my turn to lie. I rolled out of bed.

Grabbing my note book, I decided to answer Sue's voice in my head. I tore out a fresh sheet, and scrawled an angry note in my rough handwriting. After rereading it, I realised it sounded just like a suicide note. And then after rereading it again, I decided I didn't care. Besides, neither did Sue.

I snatched an old duffle bag from the closet and shoved a week's worth of outfits, the money I kept hidden under my mattress, and my mp3 player into the bag. I didn't have to tiptoe down the stairs-Seth and Sue were heavy sleepers.

I stole some granola bars, bottled water, cereal, and crackers from the kitchen and slipped them into the bag. I left the evil note on the counter for _her _to find. I grabbed my keys, and was ready to go. But I couldn't shake the feeling I was forgeting something I needed...

Smirking, I looked over at the family tree hanging proudly on the wall. I scratched my face and name out on the tree to make it official. I was no longer part of this family. After all, I was Leah _Evans._

_Not mine._

_Not anymore, bitch. Not anymore._

And that's how I left the Clearwater household.

***Poor Leah. So misguided. Reviews=love.**


	18. Carly's

***I don't own Twilight...but a girl can dream, right? LONGEST CHAPTER EVAH!!!***

Chapter 18

I wiped the tears from my eyes as I drove up to the house, pissed as ever. _How dare they!_

The location of the house was perfect. It was in the middle of _no where, _just sitting blissfully in the beautiful country. There were no neighbors (or anyone for that matter) for miles. It was by the edge of a lake, a perfect place to go swiming incase I felt like it. The house itself was on top of a hill, away from the forest but close enough to it that just in case I lost my mind and decided to go exploring, I wouldn't have to venture far. And I could smell the scent of raspberries not too far from my new lair.

But the house itself was even more flawless. When I pulled up to the driveway, I thought it would be just like and other summer home, plain. But once I stepped inside, I had to change my opinion. Because the house was amazing. It looked like Esme, the saint of motherhood and everything wife-ish had helped Carly with the decorating herself.

The walls were painted a calming sea foam green with a light ivory border at the bottom. Colorful abstract paintings hung on the walls, making them seem more sophisticated. The cream sofas were soft, and lime green silk pillows complemented them. All the tables were a lovely shade of burgandy, and there was an actual real fireplace in the heart of the living room. Scented candles were all over the place, and that was a good thing because I was to quick to remember that the electricity would be shut off, because no one had lived there in decades. I don't think things through too much. At least that's was _she _says.

I went into the kitchen to place the food I had brought in the cupboards. To my delite, there was tons of non-perishable foods stocked in the kitchen. _See, Sue? I don't need you. I can take care of myself. Even if the electricity is out and the water won't run either._

Next, I climbed up the stairs with the rest of my stuff. Since the bathroom was downstairs, there was only two rooms upstairs, besides the mini hallway. Two bedrooms, one for a guest I supposed, and the other for Ms. Carly herself. Still curious about what the infamous Carly's bedroom would look like, I decided to take a peak.

Carly's room was painted a different color from all the other rooms in the house, not the sea foam green of the living room, the blue green of the bathroom, nor the dark watermelon of the bathroom. It was emerald. Her bed was queen-sized, and there was a few of her outifits that might fit me in the closet. Carly obviously loved to read, there was an entire tiny bookshelf next to her bed and nightstand. Okay, I thought, you came her to learn about your real mother. She adores green and loves to read. That's a start.

Sighing heavily, I unpacked my bag filled with my stuff and placed it amongst Carly's stuff-my stuff technically-and hung my clothes in the closet. Then I grabbed my mp3 player and flopped down on the bed, numb.

It was strange. I didn't feel the angst, the stress, the sense of being alone, or the pain that I had felt the last night. I just felt numb, not grasping the extent of what I had done yet. It was like I wasn't me, but watching the events of my life from above. An odd, but merciful thing.

But it never takes long for pain to catch up with me. What have I done? I screamed in my head. I knew exactly what I did: I left my home, my family, even the love of my life. And for what? An escape. I was tired of everyone close to me always abusing me, and everyone I didn't even really know pitying me. I was the biggest topic of gossip in La Push, ever since Sam had left me. And I hated it to hell

_Oh, look at what happened to Harry's child, such a same._

_I heard her cousin married her ex boyfriend. Maybe that's why she ran off._

_Really? I thought it was because she was carrying that Jacob kid's child._

_Nonsense. She's infertile. Besides, she must've run away because her mother kicked her out because she's an alcoholic._

_Yeah I heard her mom kicked her out because she was pregant. I did hear she drinks herself silly._

_No way. But still, you could hear them fighting all the way from my house._

_I could too. Her poor brother must've been terrified. I heard that kid is gay._

_Seth? Gay? I don't know..._

I could only imagine what people were saying about me now. Leah, the same Leah that used to be a straight A student, now gone alcoholic. I could feel it's siren call trying to make to take a sip from the bottle I had in my bag. But thanks to _him _I would feel the weight of a giant boulder pressed against my back, and struggle under it for a few moments until I was out of breath. There was no clear way around it

Jacob had taken the two things that helped me surive living with Sam and Emily's never ending love story right down the lane. He had taken my beer and himself away from me. I might of been able to quit if he had just stayed with me. But now, here I was, desprate to find away around the dumb order. I needed that bottle of wine the same way I needed a heartbeat.

I wanted an escape, that's why I was here in the first place. I was tired of betrayal, and people feeling sorry for me. And I was tired of being a damn werewolf. So I came up with a conclusion: I would never phase again. Period.

I didn't think it would be easy, but since when did I back down from a challenge? After I paused to consider all the pros to never phasing, I made my desision. If I didn't phase, I might be able to have a cycle again, maybe. If I didn't phase, I could wear my hair long again, and that's how I liked it. If I didn't phase, I didn't have to worry about people reading my thoughts and figuring out where I was. It seemed too good to be true.

But I didn't want to think about that right now. I just wanted to listen to my damn music and drift off.

I pressed the on button and listened to my new favorite song, Fergie's "Big girls don't cry." A single tear ran my cheek as the song reached its chorus. It reminded me too much of my situation.

_I hope you know! I hope you know!_

_That this has nothing to do with you!_

_It's personal, myself and I!_

I tucked myself into the blankets and tried not to cry with all my God-given strength. No sucess. The silver droplets rolled down my cheeks, making me feel weaker than ever.

_It's time to be a big girl now!_

_And big girls don't cry._

My voice was trembling, but I still sung along. Singing was the only thing that could save me from curling into a ball of misery and letting the shadows consume me.

_The path that I'm walking_, _I must go alone._

_I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown._

_Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending do they?_

Slowly, my voice rose. I was singing loudly now, but crying my eyes out at the same time. I crumpled my body into a ball of patheticness. _Damn you Sue. _

_And I'm going to miss you like a child misses their blanket._

_But I gotta get a move on with my life!_

_It's time to be a big girl now!_

_And big girls don't cry._

For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt cold. I wrapped the blankets around myself, staring intently at the shadows dancing on the walls. They didn't scare me.

_Go ahead, _I dared them _Swallow me whole. I don't care. _I listened to the next song, looking them dead in the eye or what I thought could be their eye.

The shadows said nothing. And neither did I.

***Poor Leah...I do love Fergie's "Big girls don't cry" though. It's one of the best break up songs ever invented. Reviews are welcome ;) And thanks for all the faves, alerts, and a special thanks to brankel1 who gave me my hundreth review and of course everyone else too. :)***


	19. Me

***As I said countless times before, SM owns Twilight***

Chapter 19

**Six days later...**

I poured myself a bowl of cereal, sighing. I hate this world and every breathing creature in it. Including me.

It was getting better. I no longer cried at night, wishing the shadows would consume me. True, I still listened to songs of regret and loss of love, brooding. But I was starting to make progress toward everything. Well, almost everything.

I had figured out a way to prepare myself a bath with in a house with no indoor water, without ever leaving. I had heard somewhere, once, that boiling water cleans it. So I purified the lake water by boiling it, and splashing it into the tub. It wasn't the smartest idea on the planet, but I will brag and admit it was brilliant.

My hear had grown the slightest bit longer since I had last cut it about a month ago. It was already down to my cheek. Soon it could be in the center of my back, as long as I liked it. I could soon even wear it in a ponytail; an itty bitty one.

And I had learned my lesson: the world is out to get me. Don't trust anyone if your intials are 'LC' and if you have brown eyes and black hair. And don't ever fall in love with anyone, ever. Even if you think they'll never leave you, that someday they will be yours, don't listen. Matter of fact, never love anyone. Not even your own mother. All they'll ever do is scar you. And the sad thing is that sometimes you run back afterward, practically begging for more. Even now I missed them. Hell, I even missed Jacob. But I guess you can't fully miss what you didn't have.

Sighing, I examined my dwindling supplies. I'd need to go to the store soon. I snatched my keys and groaned. It was time to go for a little drive.

***

The drive was not little, not by a long shot. The nearest store was, like an two hours and fifteen minutes away. Not that I minded much. Driving always helped clear my head. I loved going on road trips so long ago, when dad was still alive. He and Sue teamed up to teach me how to drive and bought me the car...but those were different times. Times when Sue was the perfect gentle mother who didn't act like a drill instructor. Things always change up on me.

I got out the car, trying to be as discreet as possible. For all I knew, Sue could have my picture on the milk carton by now. Hell, mabye she already had the FBI on the case. I dragged my feet to the stupid pink grocery store. Luckily, no more than a dozen people where in there, so I didn't have to worry about people bothering me. On the downside, this meant that there would be more attention on me. Shit.

With skills that would rival the ninja, I through all the items I was low on or wanted in the basket. No one even bothered to look up at me. And that's how I liked it.

And then he came and ruined everything.

"Hello, can I help you?"

He was lean with copper hair that had way to much grease in it, and spoke with a slight "yorker" accent. The name tag on his uniform read "Lyle". Not at all my type. And you could tell by the way his hazel eyes twinkled that I was his. Yuck.

"No thankyou," I replied, getting back to my chore.

"If you any help, feel free to ask," He purred.

He turned around to leave, but at the same time, the automatic doors opened, blowing a strong gust of wind into the store. I thought I smelt vampire. Female vampire. My least favorite kind. And it was coming from his direction. I stared after him, alarmed.

Naturally, I tensed. My body was pleading with me to phase, and help this man who was being stocked by a vampire-es. But I ignored the feeling. He could be head over heels in love with this bloodsucker, like a male Bella Swan. Maybe she meant him no harm. Why break my no-phasing streak over a Bella? Besides, I didn't care about anyone but myself anymore. I had learned my lesson.

Only me.

I picked up a box of cereal and continued shopping. For me.

***Wow, I can't believe so many people faved my story and even a few faved me! Thanks guys, you rock! You guys keep me-and Leah's story-going!**


	20. Red

***Twilight belongs to someone who is not me.***

Chapter 20

**Three and a half weeks later...**

It made no sense. Female werewolves couldn't conceive. Their bodies were trapped forever in time, like brooding Rosalie. Even when they stopped phasing, they could never have children of their own. That was the reason that they were werewolves in the first place, because they were stupidly barren, and their werewolf gene carrying bodies thought they were boys. There was only one of this kind because only, like, one out of every ten women were infertile. And not everyone carried the gene, or was old enough to phase. The female werewolf is immune to imprinting (yes, I am comparing it to a disease) because she can't imprint. But she is always miserable because everyone else is always imprinting and mating while she cannot. Her only purpose is to defend her people from vampires, and then, finally die. Or live forever. It's her choice, to give up phasing or to continue._ Hell, aren't I professional? Maybe I'll even come up with a scientific name. Canis Sapien, female. That's what I am._

I woke up confused, feeling like I had a stomach ache, laying in red. But it wasn't a stomach ache. It was much, much, more beautiful. And it was a sign. A sign that the world sometimes decided to give me a break. Possible.

Several explainations ran through my shocked head. I got up to clean up the bloody, red mess. I changed the sheets, brooding. I shook my head at myself, amused.

There had to be some logical explaination. It didn't make sense, why now? Why at all? I thought the reason I was a female werewolf in the first place was just because I was barren as hell there for, the only werewolf gene lost its damn mind and thought I was a guy...

Wrong, wrong wrong! I felt it. I could feel the cramps and see the redness. I could conceive. My body knew I was a girl but then why was I the only female shapeshifter? Shouldn't there be others? If I was the result of some some rare condition, there would be others at some point. Like people born being two feet tall, there was never only one person. And maybe there were, or will be.

I cleaned up the mess, brooding. I should be rejoicing, buying icecream cones and dancing around like a maniac. But I still didn't understand; I was curious. They say curiousity killed the cat. Well in my case, dog. Or wolf. Or girl. Or whatever the hell I am. So I decided to come up with the best explaination that I could. Afterall, I had always loved science class, eve though I pretended to hate it so I wouldn't come across as a nerd (like Embry).

Maybe I had lost my mind. Whoops, that doesn't work, I already lost my mind five years ago when I phased. My bad.

Two, was that the werewolf gene was always evolving. All species did, right? At first there was the spirit warriors, then us (Canis Sapien). Afterwards, the gene devoloped imprinting (that's when the world went to hell in a basket). And our kind (Canis Sapiens) is always faster than humans, so that must mean that we evolve quicker. I was the begining of a new race of kick-ass females. Females that couldn't conceive, until they stopped phasing. But what was the reason behind it? I knew that every change to us (Canis Sapiens) was decided to make us stronger. But how did this make us better? I'd have to see....

Three, was that I was the result of a genetic mutation, like being albino, or having purple eyes. I was rare, and "special". There wouldn't ever be too many females, ever. But the same key points from three applied, I-maybe we-couldn't have a cycle until I quit turning into godforsaken wolf.

The last theroy was more shakey. Maybe, because all the oldest boys had phased and no other guy was old enough, or pocessed the gene to phase, it chose me as a last resort. That might mean that it would be possible-and more likely-for other female gene carriers to phase before they got their monthly. So that meant the only reason I was a fricken' wolf was because the women in my family start late. Lucky me.

Well, someone was paying attention in science class. I searched the bathroom for a pad or two, Carly had to have one hidden somewhere. Luckily, I found four and two unopened packs. _Since when have I been lucky? Well, thanks to whoever up there decided to start being nicer to me! It is greatly welcomed in the future!_

I think red is my new favorite color. It's the color of sucess.

***Thanks for reading and feel free to express yourselves by clicking the pretty green button! We'll be finding out how Jacob, Sue, and Seth and everyone back home is very soon...And it took me a superlong time to come up with all those explainations, btw. :D***


	21. I'm dumb Thanks for asking

***Twilight isn't mine...there I said it.***

Chapter 21

**Jacob's POV**

"Eat, Seth," I almost begged.

"Not hungry." He pushed the plate away from himself, as if it was full of fried eyeballs. I sighed.

It had been like this for at least a month. Embry and I had moved in to moniter him considering the fact that his sister was dead and her mother currently inhabited the mental hospital. I almost had to take Seth there myself. Seth ate very little, and barely slept at all. But it was an improvement considering the first three days he didn't eat a damn thing and stayed up all night; catatonic. Then, after I mentioned the fact that he might need some medical help, he bounced right back like a champ. But you could tell that he was dead inside, his black eyes lost their eagerness to try new things. I was afriad he'd be stuck like a zombie forever.

We never spoke of those first three nights. Or her.

"Seth, you got to eat something," I groaned.

"I ate enough," He grumbled.

"Half a slice of pizza is not enough," I argued. Even Claire eats a whole piece.

"Enough for me."

Damn. I felt like I was ordering around a picky two year old. I took a deep breath. What was it about the Clearwaters that made them so damn stuborn? Were they all dropped in a wad of toxic waste?

"Three more bites, the you're done."

Definately like a two year old. He picked a few pieces of pinapple off the slice, shoved them in his mouth and looked up at me. I gave him a sarcastic thumbs-up. He rolled his eyes at me, as if _I _was the one acting like they were five and he was being the reasonsable adult. Now _that's _funny.

"I'm going out for awhile. Do you think you can handle being alone for awhile?"

Seth pouted. "I'm not a baby."

"Never said you were. Just wanted to make sure you didn't get lonely."

"I'll be fine," He managed to put on a small, phony smile to reassure me.

It almost appeared real.

***

I did everything within my power to protect Seth. It was the least I owed Leah. So I didn't tell him what I was doing and what I believed. The truth would only hurt him.

Leah Clearwater was alive. Or at least that's what I thought. You'd think you'd feel it when part of you had died. I had heard stories about how through the mental link our kind could feel it when one of us died. But would we be able to feel it even if the other was human? It was worth a shot. Besides, Leah didn't seem like the suicide type. She seemed like the chic who wouldn't take the easy way out, someone who would fight till their last breath. My kind of girl.

So here I was, runing around as a wolf, trying to see if she would phase soon, or if I could pick up a scent. Nothing. I felt stupid, why would there be a scent after a whole month? But at least I tried. I did this everyday, at different times in hopes to catch her phase. But still, no cigar.

Renesmee was getting older. She was no longer "eight and a half" but was now quickly approuching ten. Or she was ten. It was kinda hard to tell with a kid who acted like a mini professer. And I could feel my feelings toward her shift from a brother toward those of a friend...it was odd. When she got older, I would fall in love with her whether I wanted to or not. It'd be kinda awkward dating the girl who I used to love and my ex-enemy's daughter, even more weird because I would know her since birth. But I didn't think I had a choice,though, right?

Until now.

I had never loved Leah on a romantic level until that one night. Something gave me the impulse to defy the imprint, something strong. Though I still felt the magical pull toward Renesmee, Leah had her own pull, powerful enough to threaten Renesmee's. This one wasn't the type of mythical bond between Nessie and I, it was more like normal, natural love. You always hear on tv about the alpha male and the alpha female mating. Well, maybe werewolves were no different. Sam hadn't felt it because Leah wasn't his beta...she made everything more confusing.

And I had lost her. That realisation sucked. As soon as I discover that I'm in love with her, she's miles away, pretending to be dead. That brought back memories, and none of them were pleasant. I needed her, even though I had screwed up any chance of me ever having her. Ironic, huh?

I turned around and started heading back, defeated. But not for long. Afterall, a masochist always comes back for more.

***Reviews=love :)***


	22. Alice is the patron saint of awesome

**The Twilight series is NOT mine**

Chapter 22

The sky blue envolope on the counter was smirking at me. To anyone else, it would of just looked like a normal, plain, envoloped. Not the start of World War III. Thankful that Seth was still sleeping, I picked it up, glaring at it. Part of me wanted to rip it limb from limb (does paper have limbs?) and carry on with my life. But at the same time, I was curious to see what it was and what it would say, even though I was 99.9% certain of what it was. They say curiousity killed the cat-dog-wolf-man-thingie.

Refusing to be careful and just grab the letter opener, I picked at it with my fingers. I didn't care what condition the fricken' contents were in as long as I could read the dumb words.

_A baby shower invitation...._

I recognised the loops and heart dotted i's of Emily's girlish writing. I read the note once without freaking out. But after the second time, I noticed something: the letter was adressed to Seth, Sue _and _Leah.

Though I didn't want to, my body automaticly started trembling. I felt dizzy. Sam and Emily didn't _know. _They were too sickly in love to notice that Leah was "dead". They didn't notice that Sue was hospitalized, or that Seth was ever so slowly losing it. And do you wannna know why? Because they didn't care anymore.

Truthfully, I had never expected them to poke their heads out of Candyland to notice. But still, I asumed they would her the stories that every sane person in La Push seemed to know. Leah was sort of a local legend, the type of horror story seventh graders whispered as they braided each other's hair at sleepovers.

_Hey Zoe?_

_What, Lane?_

_Did you hear the story of that Leah girl?_

_Yeah, the one who ran away?_

_Yes. Late one night, Leah was wasted and angry stumbled far away from the safety of her house. Dazed and confused, she stumbled into the forest, muttering nonsense about babies. Soon, she heard a noise, a horrible howling noise as if there was a wolf in the forest. But there was no wolf, just the alcohol stealing her senses. Then, very quietly, she thought she saw a huge wolf looming over her._

_And?_

_Afraid and dizzy, she srambled and scampered as far away from the imaginary beast as she could. But every time she took a step, it felt as if the wolf was taking five. She bolted as fast as she could even further into the forest. Until..._

_Until what?_

_Until she slipped on a branch and hit her head on a jagged rock. The stone pierced her head, draining the blood from her head. But insane till the bitter end, she started singing "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf" in a raspy, mad, terrified voice. And finally, the wolf appeared in front of her as if by magic. Her voice shook, but only grew louder...and finally the bitter end came. The last few drops of her blood stained the grass and then-only then-did the wolf leave her as she lay limb, as dead as a door nail on the cold, dirty, forest floor._

_Wow, L. That's really disturbing. Have you told your therapist about this?_

_Shut up, Zo. There's more. No one ever found her body, but they found odd claw markings and prints in the forest where it should of been. And they say, whoever is brave enough to venture into the forest will find the fiece, female beast luring people into the forest with the scream of a woman Because...Leah...is...the beast. And anyone who dare enters her forest is subject to her evil revenge._

_That's creepy._

I was livid. All the self control that I had trained myself to have over the years evaporated. Her own cousin didn't care whether she sucked up air or not...I phased out of furry. _Well, so much for self-control, eh?_

"Hello, Alice? May I speak to Nessie?"

After my accidental-phase episode, I cracked. I needed someone to talk to. With Leah gone, with Seth depressed, Embry busy, and Quil wrapped around Claire's finger, that left the one person I usually ran to first.

"She's out hunting with Bella. May I take a message?" Alice asked, overly polite.

Inwardly, I cussed. "Oh. Well tell her to call me back when she gets the chance."

I tried to keep the hurt disappointed tone out of my voice. Not only was Nessie gone, but Bella too? What kind of sick, twisted world is this, anyway?

"I will."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Ugh...Jake?

"Yeah?"

"Just wanted to let you know that we all miss you and Jasper even said he'd finally give you that car he owes you."

I smiled. It felt kind of nice to be wanted. "Thanks. Try not to have too much fun without me."

"Oh...and tell Seth I said hi."

"Sure, sure."

"By-wait, one more thing. She's not dead you know." I could picture Alice's signature knowing smirk as she said those words.

"What?"

"Leah Clearwater is not dead. North Montana has vanished in my visions."

It took me a moment to process this. When I finally spoke, I sounded like a little kid who just received the Christmas gift they've been wanting for years. "No way! Alice you're the best!"

I imagined her blowing it off, as if she wasn't the patron saint of everything awesome. "No biggie."

"I so owe you! I'll convince Bella to finally go shopping with you!"

Alice giggled her bell-ish laugh. "Bye, Jake."

"Bye!"

I rushed upstairs to begin packing. I threw my toothbrush in a bag. North Montana, here I come!

***Sorry for not updating...thanks to someone *cough cough* I couldn't. But I'm back on the job! Reviews are more than welcome!**


	23. Life sucks

***Twilight belongs to someone who's name begins with an S. And my name begins with an H. And of course I don't own A Nightmare on Elm street (shivers)***

Chapter 23

Okay, okay. It wasn't as easy as I thought. Running away, to Leah, in a romantic way that would rival even the mushiest of romantic books that desperate house wives usually read in their free time. I mean, I couldn't just leave Seth. Now of days, the kid was afraid of his own shadow-and he's technically an adult. I it would kill me to just dump him with Embry or something. But I couldn't watch Sue and Seth suffer from the void that Leah left, so I _had _to go. And soon. Very soon.

At the same time, I wanted to keep it it hidden from Seth. If he knew, then he'd want to follow me. And I didn't think that would be exactly very healthy for him at this time. I'd almost sooner have him eat a bowl of acid.

So I bided my time for a few days, warring with myself. I'd spent the last few days in the park, on the beach, and today I had visited Sue. I wish I could say she was doing well, but she wasn't. When I stopped by, she just stared at me, blank. I wished she'd show a little contempt for me, it would loosen the guilt that I felt.

After losing at a game of scramble with Nessie, I had made my choice. I begged Carlise-literally got down on my knees and pleaded-for them to watch over Seth of a little while. He didn't even bat an eyelash. The Cullens simply adored Seth, even in his broken form. Now all I had to do was tell him.

"Um...Seth?" I called.

He turned around. Seth was watching the old _A Nightmare on Elm Street _on tv. Why he would want to watch a slasher when he was terrified of the dark was beyond me. He was just at the part were this Nancy and her friends were dicussing their common dream. Nothing scary. Not yet.

"You know...I think you need a break from La Push...from Washington in general, actually."

"So...?" He raised an eyebrow, quietly annoyed.

I almost gulped. "So I convinced the Cullens to take you in for two weeks."

Who he scream? Would he cry? Would he jump for joy? Or would he turn into a giant fluffy cat?

"Oh. That's cool."

Then he turned around to shudder at the gore he knew was coming. He seemed kind of out of it today, more relaxed.

"I already packed your stufff. You're leaving tommorow."

"Cool. I could use some icy climate that only _wonderful _Canada could supply."

He rolled his black eyes and sighed, smirking.

"Why do you do that?" I asked.

"What?"

"Watch all these horror movies. All they ever do is keep you up at night."

He shrugged. "I'd rather be afraid of something that can't happen than something that can."

His words seemed to have a hidden meaning to them, like one of the codes that Quil and I had back in the fourth grade when we were playing spy. There was a lengthy period of silence as the actors on the screen moved

"Okay. Well...if you get too scared...I'll be upstairs." _But not tommorow night._

He nodded, giving me a mock thumbs-up. I headed up the stairs, angry at myself for leaving, annoyed with myself for not chasing after Leah earlier. Now I truly knew the meaning of one of Billy's favorite phrases: stuck between a rock and a hard place. When I got to my room, the screams had began, female. It reminded me of...It was enough to make "Jacob the vampire slayer", wince. I pressed the on button on the radio, one of Owl City's songs played. I used it to tune out the screams.

I woke up drenched in a cold sweat the following morning. Not because I had of Seth's silly slasher, but because of the same Nightmare I've been having for at least three weeks. I woke up every night, trembling with Leah's name on my lips. But I didn't remember anything else. I convinced myself I'd stop having nightmares soon and sucked it up.

Seth left at around ten. He didn't complain, in fact, he kind of smiled a bit when he saw Edward and Emmett (bad influence alert!). And that was enough to reasure myself that I had made the better choice.

Now I was fiddling around, looking for stuff to pack. I had Leah's room, only because it was next to Seth's. Not that I was snooping around or anything, but sometimes I'd find traces of her alcholic past, bottle caps, the tops to cans, the faintest smell of wine.

I threw in as much clothes as I could pack, and other stuff I might need. I smiled, Leah wouldn't be very far away if I ran as a wolf. But then again, what would people think if they saw a giant, rampaging wolf with a duffle bag in its mouth? Then I remembered that I never cared about what other people thought of me.

Embry would be a great makeshift alpha while I was gone. He had to. Otherwise...I pushed the thought out of my mind.

This entire situation was so twisted, so sick. My entire pack was disbanding. Maybe we weren't broken up now, but slowly and surely we were. Leah, Seth, even me...

No. I could fix this. I can fix everything.

I went down the stairs-step by step-brooding. I locked the door behind me, Embry had his own key. And then, finally, the Clearwater house was empty.

Life sucks.

***Reviews are welcome.***


	24. Two rabbits

***Still Don't own Twilight...(sighs)***

Chapter 24

**A week and a half later...**

**Seth's POV**

Everything. They gave me fucking everything.

I saw a sports comerial on tv and mentioned something about how I liked the shoes the sports star was wearing and-poof! The next day there they were at the Cullen doorstep, in my exact size and favorite color. I read a book. A day or two later, they take me to the premire of the movie in L.A. or to meet the author who just "happened to be visiting his aunt" in Seattle. I listen to my favorite song on the radio. Another week later, they buy tickets and exclusive backstage passes for me and any of my friends I might bother to invite.

The Cullens are awesome.

There was some side effects, though. Money could never buy true happiness, nor could it erase what had happened. Whenever I had flashbacks (which I tried not to do so often) the Cullens had their ways of distracting me. Jasper could suck away the emotions in the feelings-the jaded feelings that threatened to drive me up the wall-like the literal emotional vampire he was. Then I could reflect on them without the pain, the suffering, the hurt. I could just feel numb, hollow, serene.

Nessie's method was slightly better. Edward always gave her a certain look (although I tried to pretend for her sake that I didn't notice), and she would be at my side, books and papers aside. Then she would give me a pat on the back-a hug, a highfive, a casual handbrush, hold my hand, etc.-and distract me with one of her thoughts, usually consisting of greek myths (her latest book fad) or politics (her slightly older book fad). All her thoughts were interesting, and it wasn't like I could think anything else.

Alice, Emmett, Bella, Esme, and Carlisle were all in on the game, too. They all had their own ways of distracting me. Some better than others. I was always sort of at Carlisle's "secret" examination, as he was a mental heath doctor about twenty-seven years ago.

I guess I shouldn't be so upset about constantly being the center of the universe. Jacob had given them a task: keep me happy. And they were damn sure going to put that Cullen 100% effort into it. I loved the Cullens.

_The look of panic on Jacob's face_

_I always wanted a little girl._

_My mother's crazed eyes, far beyond reality._

_A bottle of alcohol on the ground, next to my KOed sister._

_A younger Leah's door locked, in a pathetic attempt to drown out her sobs._

_My father's casket, a few flowers on top._

_Carly Evans._

_My sister's furious eyes_

_A note._

_Blood on the carpet._

_A piece of a plum colored bridesmaids dress._

_Death._

_And oddly the greek goddess Athena, followed by an owl?_

_Recession? Lightning bolts? Scrabble? Olives? Voters?_

_Uh...Sarah Palin with Apollo and Obama?_

"Seth?"

The little doll, Renesmee, stood above me, blinking her brown doe eyes. Her little ringlets were long enough that when she bent down, they brushed against my face, tickling my nose. "The most beautiful person in the world is an overstatement, but "Night of the living doll" isn't. This morning her cheeks were so flushed that the pink could of been paint.

"What time is it?" I asked, still exhausted.

"Time for you to get a watch." The joke didn't sound right on her lips, like a opera version of a gansta rap. But a smile tugged on the corners of my mouth anyway.

"Would you like to give me the pleasure of you company during hunting?" She offered, sort of.

I nodded. Phasing would be another escape from the agony.

_I'm coming with you._

Nessie was keeping perfect pace with me as we ripped through the forest, oblivious to the mental conversation inside my head.

_No, Seth. No you're not. _Jacob insisted.

Through his eyes, I could see that he was somewhere dry, quite different from the lush green of western Washington. Not directly talking to him, I asked myself _where._

And without thinking, nor adressing me he answered, _Mid Montana._

_I'm coming._

_No. _He came to a complete stop, catching his breath. _I'm not sure if it's healthy for you to have to deal with Leah right now. Let me deal with her._

_She's _my _sister. _I flooded his mind with all my fond memories of Leah, my pain, my bond with her, and every other advantage that I had. The plan was to make him cave. But he only winced.

An entire minute went by. I waited, impatiently for his reply.

_Well she's my beta. Besides, you need to focus on other things right now. I mean you can barely focus on hunting right now._

_I can multi-task._

_Really? Just like you're multi-tasking right now, talking to me and hunting? By the way, you just got distracted and the deer you were stalking got away._

I piveted my attention to the deer that was _supposed _to be right infront of me. Instead, it was charging in the exact opposite direction Nessie and I were going. Nessie was clever and fond a way to circle around it. Soon, she was right ahead of it, a struck. Within a matter of seconds, Renesmee Carlie Cullen was feeding. Maybe that's why she always wins at chess: she always has a backup plan.

_Uh...that was only _one _example. You can't prove that I'm over-_

_Look, Seth. I'm going to say no no matter what. If you asked me in the morning, the answer is no. If you ask me in the night, the answer is no. If you ask me in a fuzzy purple hat, the answer is no. Am I clear?_

_No_, I thought to myself, but quit once I sensed him getting agitated. _Yes._

_And tell Nessie I said hi._

_Only if you take me with you. _I insisted.

He let out a mental sigh, but otherwise ignored me. _I gotta go._

_Why?_

_Personal stuff. _He was careful not to think it. Wow, really out of character. Jacob was normally impulsive. _Don't worry about it._

_Fine, don't tell me I don't care._ I snapped.

_See ya soon._

_Bye._

The connection clicked off as he phased back, but my annoyance did not. _Dammit._

By the end of the trip, Nessie was the only one who really got something worth the work out of it. I gobbled a couple of rabbits, two fat, lazy ones that didn't take mch effort for me to slaughter. They reminded me of someone I knew.

***Thanks for reading! Anyway, lemme know how you feel.***


	25. Prank calls and Cake

***Twilight still does not belong to me. And unless a whole bunch of legal stuff and lucky stuff happens, I will never a have the right.***

Chapter 25

Esme was always cooking for me. I don't know why, though. The scent of human food should repulse her, discourage her from even going near the stuff. Besides, I was almost the only one who ever ate the stuff. Nessie had sort of adjusted to some human foods, mostly brain foods like tomatos and tea, she only liked seventeen human foods total, not counting her love for blood. Even though she denied it, she had a secret sweet tooth for chocolate. Which brought Esme to bake german chocolate cake which Nessie ate only out of "guilt" every once and awhile.

I picked at the frosting-coated buttery slice I had on my plate, trying not to offend Esme. Even though I hadn't eaten in six hours, and had skipped lunch, I wasn't hungry. I never was when I was stressed. Everyone had their ways of coping, not the positive ways, like building something or writing a song, but their naughty ways, the ones that would bite you in the ass later on. Over eating, under eating, cutting, drinking, smoking drugs or cigarettes, and um...other stuff I'd prefer not to mention. Mine was starving myself. Leah's was drinking. And now that Jacob banned her drinking, I was worried-the word worried didn't cover it-about what methods she was trying now.

Scared, I could feel the unpleasant emotions stirring around inside of me as I popped a bite-size piece of cake in my mouth. But as Jasper walked into the room, sucking them away with each step. I gave him a brief nod in thanks, which was followed by a small, sad smile.

When I was finished with my micro piece of cake, I strolled over to the kitchen and placed it into the dish washer.

"No way, Emmett," I refused him.

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

Once again, Emmett was trying to sweet talk his way into making me do something that would corrupt my youthful innocence. He wanted me to try doing something I would of never thought of doing myself: prank calling someone I really shouldn't be prank calling. Who? Nahuel, the other half-vampire kid. It wasn't as badass as last week's challenge, walking into the women's bathroom as a crossdresser. It wasn't the crossdressing part that bothered me, it was the fact that he made me wear pink pigtails.

"No Emmett! I don't prank call people, besides, what am I going to say?"

But Emmett wasn't listening, nothing got through his thick head. He was already dialing the chump's number. Thankfully, Edward heard his thoughts and flitted into the room.

"Emmettt, I don't think that's a good idea."

He rolled his eyes and put the phone on speaker.

"Hola?" Nahuel answered, unaware that he was yet another victum of Emmett's _wonderful _pranks.

"Say something," Emmett whispered.

"No," I fought back.

"Hola?" Nahuel repeated.

"I'll introduce you to Ciara next month."

"Make it Paramore and we have a deal." Emmett cursed under his breath but nodded. I held my nose to give myself a funny accent.

"Both, if it's perverted."

"Ako ay pagtawag ang tungkol sa iyong pagtitistis dibdib pagbabawas." I tried my best, unsucessfully, to keep a straight face.

Emmett chuckled almost breaking into a fit of laughter. Edward just made a disapproving sound. Breast reduction surgeries (and boobs in general) always made Emmett giggle like the little third grader he was inside.

"Ako accidently ginawa sa kaliwang dibdib ng isang Acup, habang ang iba pang ay isang D tasa. Mangyaring bumalik."

"Wait, is that Filpipino?" Nahuel asked, not understanding what sort of hilarious comments I was making about him in the language.

Nahuel didn't know he was being prank called. In fact, most immortals weren't up to date with the styles, fashions, and catch phrases. I heard Rosalie say "that's boss" just the other day.

"Oh, at maaring gawin ito mabilis. I am pagpunta sa bilangguan para sa mga singil na pang-gugulo sa lalong madaling panahon at nais upang ayusin ang mga operasyon sa lalong madaling panahon," I smirked.

At this point, even Edward cracked a smile. Bella walked into the room, clueless of the "breast reduction" call.

"Bye asno!"

Emmett was laughing so hard that he banged on the table. The table made a cracking noise, and Emmett backed off.

Bella wrinkled her nose. "What were you guys saying?"

"Um...we er..." I was trying to justify my perverted streak.

"It's nothing dear. Just an old friend," Edward lied, covering for me.

"With medical issues." Emmett smirked.

By this point, even "pure" Edward was rolling on the floor.

"How do you know know Filpino anyway?"

***Since almost everything was so dark lately, I just wanted some comic relief, ya know? If you really want to know what Seth was saying, look online. But don't if you don't like potty humor. Hey, don't blame me. This is an actual prank call my friends made. And if there is any grammar errors in the language, sorry. Reviews are welcome ^^***

***P.S. Hint: The last line is "Bye, Ass!"***


	26. Home?

***You know the drill...I don't own Twilight***

Chapter 26

**Leah's POV**

Today, the store was crowded when I traveled there for an errand. I thought it was some sort of carnival, or some other dumb activity which people use as an excuse to stuff their faces. Or maybe a rock band was in town. I didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that the town was packed, and apparently I'm not good with people.

With my plastic bags in hand, I marched over into the parking lot, an expression of contempt on my face. People were _everywhere _in the normally deserted little town. The stench of corndogs stung my nostrils.

Just as I tugged on the handle of my car, I heard a husky voice that I hadn't heard in eons. Jacob. _Crap._

_"_Leah!"

I fumbled around in my pocket, desperatly searching for my keys. _Nope. Not in the left pocket. _Switching pockets and cursing, I dug around in the other one. As I was doing this, he came running to me. _No time. You gotta make a run for it._

Placing the bags on top of the hood, I dashed off faster than I may of ever ran in my life. _Except for that one time..._My pulse was racing, and I smiled in brief triumph.

Until I could hear a pair of feet behind me. Since when did he get so fast? I picked up the pace, and turned the corner. As I looked behind me to see where he was, I did the stupidest thing I could of done.

I crashed head-first into a mental pole. Epic fail. _No way I can escape now. I'm doomed._

I vigorously rubbed the new bump underneath my long black bangs, as I stared at the boy I had onced (okay maybe I still do) loved. This couldn't be happening.

Calmly, Jacob strolled over to the place where I had fell. I could tell that he wasn't serene-his hands were trembling, meaning he was trying to control his livid emotions-but he was calm enough to avoid phasing in front of the dozens of people on the streets. Sighing, he pulled me to my feet.

I avoided his eyes, and it was clear that I was having one of those "oh shit" moments. I was at a total loss for words.

"Um...hi?" I managed, fake smiling.

Jacob was not amused. "Where the hell have you been?" He demmanded.

I got defensive. "I can take care of myself."

He rolled his eyes. "Like you did when you charged full speed into that pole?" He gave me a weak smile, an attempt at a truce.

I didn't by it. Fixing my hair, I turned away and stomped off like he wasn't there. Groaning, he chased after me again.

"Leah!" He said, in a half-angry tone.

"Leah?" He repeated in the voice that always melts my heart like strawberry icecream. This time his voice sounded pleading a sweet. "Come on Leah. You won't even look at me." He placed his hand on my shoulder, and I felt its slight weight on my body.

Cursing my own softness, I faced him, and looked him dead in those hypnotic orbs he calls his eyes. I knew this was the worst thing I could of done-his eyes were always my weak point-and now I couldn't stop staring at them.

"You look different," He noted my hair, which was now a little longer than shoulders length.

I nodded, and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to distract myself from the fact that he was actually here. After all the stupid, pathetic, Bella-style dreams I had, he was finally here. _But not mine._

_"_I smell blood, did you cut yourself when you bumped your head?"

I blushed, embarassed. "Um...no...I-I...my cycl-"

"Oh." Jacob looked just as embarassed as I did. "So you can...have children now."

I nodded. "At least I suspect."

There was an awkward silence, in which, I fiddled with one of the buttons on my blouse. People passed by, mildly curious, but left.

"Leah, you need to come home."

I bit my lip. "No. No one wants me home."

"Leah, you're being ridiculous. Everyone wants you home," He argued.

"I'm never going back there. Ever." I repeated the same thing that I said everyday to myself in the mirror.

He grew frustrated, and a little patronizing. "Lee-Lee, listen to me-"

That got me furious. No one calls me _Lee-Lee. _Ever. No one ever uses that nickname given to me by that prick Sam Uley.

"No, Black. You listen to _me. _All everyone ever did was screw me over, my own mother included. If you guys really wanted me in La Push, you would've actually respected me."

I took a deep breath, because my hands trembled faster than a cellphone on vibrate. I re-bit my lip and crossed my arms.

"Leah...you're mother tried to kill herself when you left."

My eyes grew wide with shock, disgust, and guilt. I thought of the same old cow that used to boss me around trying to hang herself with her stupid knock-off belt...I shivered. He _had _to be bluffing to get me home.

"Leah, you need to come home right now. I'm not going to let you stay here." His voice was firm, and almost reminded me of my long deceased father when he was angry. Bless his soul.

I shrugged, putting on a mix of mock bravo and indifference. "Go ahead, Black. Make me do what you want. Make me your slave. Make me obey every single word you say, and make me smile while I do it. I dare you."

I glared at him; jaw clenched and arms still crossed tight. Tears stung my eyes like poison, and I waited, waited for a respounce.

And before I knew it, my lips were on his, and we were kissing infront of a crowd of people who looked at us like we were crazy. And maybe we were.

Jacob could taste the salty tears on my lips, but still held me tight, and I still burried my fingers into his silky hair. My lashes were so welt that the entire scene glittered like diamonds and glass in my eyes. It had been so long since I had felt the intense heat between our two bodies and I realized that this was the first time I had felt truly warm in ages.

When the kiss broke, I wept even harder and burried my face in his chest, soaking it with my dumb water works. He put his arm around me and said quiet, comforting words.

"Come on, Leah. Let's go home."

I nodded weakly, to tired to argue anymore. I was finally going home.

***Sorry 4 not updating...so anyway...did I do a good job?"**


	27. Jacob and my imprintee

***I don't own Twilight...blah blah blah ;)***

The "last" chapter 

**Two months later...**

Everything was the way it should be. My mom was once again her old self -only much, much nicer. Seth had also returned, forgiving me for my stupidity. I had a cycle, a job, and finally owned my own house. It was heaven. And I had my own personal angel to thank for that.

Speaking of Jacob, I was finished with one of the things that pissed him off. Almost everyday I went to a rehab clinic for my cravings of alcohol. He said it was pointless. Everytime I tried to ingest the stuff, I was _forced_ to spit it out. He complained that there was no way I could start up again, anyway. But that wasn't the point.

The point was simple. I wanted to ditch my urges for the stuff. The alpha command made it impossible for me to _drink _it, but not impossible for me to wantit. And I did. Badly.

Besides, I met a lot of new friends there, just like me (only they weren't shapeshifters). Once again, I had learned to trust.

Anyway, I was driving back home from the clinic, when a strange thought crossed my mind. Emily, my cousin (not by blood, I guess. Her mom and Sue were sisters) had given birth three weeks ago. I had been so busy lately, that I had almost forgotten. Somehow, I felt guilt for not being there for her special moment. Little did I know that it would be my turn very soon as well.

I don't know why, but after a couple seconds of debating, I headed down the road to Emily's house. It seemed natural, like it was fated that I be there. The wildflowers were in bloom there again, and they smelt sweet and lively.

Getting out of the car, I sighed as I walked up the steps. After not buying her a baby shower gift, or at least showing up, I didn't think she'd open the door if I popped in out of the blue. Still, I tried and rung the oval door bell.

To my surprise, Emily opened the door. "Leah?"

I did my best to smile. "In the flesh. Sorry I didn't show at your baby shower."

Emily shrugged it off. "I heard you were out of town. Well, I'm happy that you're back."

I thought about her words for a minute. "I'm happy I'm back too."

Emily laughed. "Want to come in?"

"Sure, I'd love to," I lied.

The house was almost the same since I had seen it last. Same organized kitchen, living room, with the same lace curtains and red rug. Only this time, there were stuffed cars and balls, along with other baby toys, like blue dragons and ducks. _It's a boy._

"I'm guessing you're here to see Noah too."

"That's a nice name," I mused.

The room that was once the guest room was transformed. One the door was _Noah _written in teal letters, with smilie faces painted underneath. _Gag. She _still _has horrific taste. _She turned the golden doornob, smiling.

In the center of the room, there was a ivory crib, with a small lump curled up against the bars, hidden within a fluffy blanket. His fingers clutched the bars, poking outside of the crib. I assumed he was awake, because the blanket swayed quite a bit. I wanted to get closer...

Emily marched over to the almost-month-year-old ans scoped him up. He made a little sound of protest, but then decided that he did in fact, want to be held.

"Noah, meet Leah," she cooed.

I looked down. Even though I shouldn't of. Something told me not to. But I _wanted _to. So like an idiot, I did.

Little Noah met my gaze, tawny eyes gleaming like a star.

It hit me like a comet. Everything-my heart my soul, my mind, my body-was latched on to this child, like metal to a magnet. He was joy, happniess, love and every other warm feeling in the world. He was a treasure. _My _little treasure. All the heart break, all the unpleasant memories, and all the pain, he made them go away. Like an eraser, he erased the hurt from my soul. This was such a better escape than getting drunk. It had taken only a split second, and it felt so right. He was like a sun, I was his earth, and his protecter. No harm would never come to this child.

I had finally imprinted. _On Sam's kid. _This couldn't be happening. What about Jacob? _Jacob, _was the one who had healed me, not some magical connection or whatever. Jacob was there for me when no one would listen, Jacob was the one that had brought me home, the same one that had broken every bone in his body, to save me from a hungry newborn vampire. _He _was the one I would spend forever with, not Noah.

"Would you like to hold him?" Emily asked, not knowing what just happened.

_No, Leah. You're going to say you're late for work in a polite way and walk away, and never see that kid again. Because you are _not _ending up with _Sam's son!

"Sure," I answered, smiling.

I understood why it was so easy for Sam to give in. To just give in, and leave me. Noah's skin was soft and warm, like cotton, and he looked up at me, innocent. I rocked him back and forth, beaming. He was perfect and I could wait for him and...

_No, no, no, NO! You will _not _be chained to a kid!_

Half crazed, I had to beat this somehow. I forced myself to think of Jacob, the time we first kissed, his smile, and his laugh. I thought of his promises, his love, and how I felt about _him _not Noah. Jacob had my heart. _But my soul belonged to Noah._

Then, as a last resort, I brought up the memories of Sam. The painful ones. The ones that made me cry in anguish. The hurt, the tears, the lies, all of it. And I reminded myself that _this _was the result of all those tough times. It helped a little bit, but not enough.

How did Jacob resist _his _imprint? I had to know. Maybe I could ask him. And as a couple, we could overcome this bump in the road of our relationship.

Maybe, if I avoided Noah at all costs, then its grip would lessen on me. Or if I made myself hate him-with a passion-then I could be free. There's a thin line between love and hate, my dad used to say. Maybe I could cross it.

I caressed the few soft hairs on Noah's head and handed him back to Emily. The world seemed to dim a little bit, as it the sun had been moved a few more miles away from Washington. I bit my lip. _Focus, Leah. _

"I have to go, Em. But I promise I'll be back soon," I bluffed.

Emily's face lit up like a jack-o'-lantern. "Okay, well have a nice day!"

"I will," I said, almost to the door.

"And say hi to Jacob for me!" she called after me.

_Jacob._

_Crap._

**Four days later...**

"Leah, I want you to just give in," Jacob told me, trying hard not to cry.

"NO!" I shouted.

I was sittting on my bed with a pillow on my head. My room was a mess, cds, books, and clothes thrown everywhere in a fit. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about that baby, and I was getting frustrated.

"Leah, I _hate_ it when I see you like this. It _kills_ me. I want you to be happy," he insisted.

I bit my lip and burried my head even farther into the lavender pillow. "No, Jacob. If you can do it, so can I."

He shook his head. "Stuborn little thing. That's what I like in a woman. But Leah, Renesmee and I were never meant to be. I figured it out. The closer she gets to looking eighteen, the more distant the pull gets. Because in a few years from now, she'll stop aging. She'll be like a vampire. Her vampire half is taking over."

"So?" I grumbled.

"So, it's easier for you. Noa-"

"DON'T SAY THE WORD!" I yelled, groaning.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Fine. Sam _Jr. _is full human."

"I'm not giving up. Did you see the _glee _Sam and Emily had when we told them.

_See, Leah? Everything happens for a reason. _Sam's words echoed in my head. He was using this as an excuse to why he left me. Because I was meant to be with their_ kid. I'm so happy Leah. This means that now we can actually be a _family forever. Emily's words came tumbling after. I guessed that she knew by now that I wasn't her cousin.

"Okay Leah. Last chance. Are you going to give up?"

I shook my head. "_Never_."

"Then we are going to _fight _this as a _team. _As alpha and beta, as boyfriend and girlfriend," he said, confident.

"Hell to the yeah."

"I'm not losing you." His eyes blazed, with anger and passion.

I smiled. _This _was the man I had fallen in love with.

"Kiss me Jacob. I think it might help," I said, my thoughts already drifting back to Noah.

He smiled that moviestar smile of his, looking as hot as ever. "Battle stations," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss me.

This kiss was different. Most of the time, our embraces were passionate, slow, beautiful, and shy. But this time, this kiss was rough, angry. But not at each other. Angry at the world, for having the nerve to try to keep us from each other. It was passionate, and _not _shy at all. The heat between represented our furry, and our burning love.

_I want him, I want him, I want him. _I repeated in my head. I did. More than I had ever wanted anything in this world. Except for one thing-

_Stop._

My hands are tangled deep within Jacob's hair, pulling him closer. His hand was on the small of my back, keeping me from falling off the edge of the bed. We're upside down now, and my hair brushes the wooden floor. But I don't care.

I can taste his envy, he _hates_ the fact that I've imprinted. I feel the same way. I gingerly bite his bottom lip.

He started kissing my forehead, my jaw, my neck...I wrapped my arms around his neck, enjoying every minute of it. His shirt is off, on the ground. And he sets me on top of it, and kisses my hand.

"Leah Clearwater, you'll be the end of me," he panted.

"As will you, Jacob Black. I could love you forever," I pant back.

"Forever is a really long time, you know."

"Not long enough for me," I reply.

He stood up. "You can keep the shirt. It might help you keep you mind off _him _and on me."

I sniffed it. It smelt glorious; like musk, pine and every other fantastic forest smell you can imagine. Plus a faint hint of lemons. It was the scent of Jacob.

"I bet it will."

Long after he was gone, I slept with on. My dreams were filled with the wondeful scent. I dreamt of Jacob Black.

***Hope this second part was as romantic as I thought it should be. Anywayz, this isn't the last time you'll be hearing from me. There's one last little part to this story...***


	28. Epilogue

***Blah, blah, blah, I don't own Twilight.***

Epilogue

When Jacob and I finally got married, it was a big surprise to everyone. Jacob was right, the older Renesmee got, the weaker the imprint. When she finally looked seventeen, his imprint was broken. Still, people were stunned. Imprinted people weren't supposed to love each other with all their hearts, but we did. They weren't supposed to marry each other, but we did. And most importantly, they weren't supposed to have each others children.

Noah and I were never meant to be together, and the birth of my first child proved that. Before her, it was growing more and more painful to love Jacob. The need to be around Noah multiplied. I kept myself sane by babysitting him when his parents were out of town, seeing him in everyday places (small town, remember?), and family gatherings. I kept these visits a secret from Jacob, they would break his heart. And when I finally couldn't take resisting anymore, she was born.

On December 22, 2:34 am Carly Sarah Black was brought into the world, shattering my imprint. She was the daughter I always wanted. She looked like neither of us, only she had Jacob's haunting black eyes and my long eyelashes. Only instead of black, they were gray. And they stayed that way; even though we thought they would darken over time. We had no idea which side of the family she got them from.

When Noah first layed eyes on her, he couldn't look away. You couldn't keep them appart for long. They were best friends from the start. It was my strong guess that when Noah phased he would imprint on Cee-Sa (our nickname for her). And I was right.

After Cee-Sa came her twin brother, Jacob Harry Black. He was going to make a great wolf one day, even though technically he was Noah's rival. He had my chocolate eyes, Jacob's bright smile, and Harry's powerful hands. He was _always_ doing something; jumping, running, dancing. It didn't matter to him. As long as he moved.

I started phasing again, after I gave birth to Jr. We both decided that we could live together; forever. And if we got tired of it? _Well, _then we would both stop _together_. We had a backup plan, unlike Bella. The both of us looked around 27.

And so, that's how I got my happily ever after.

***It's been really fun doing this, and I guess this is the end of Leah's scars. But don't worry, you'll see me around. I'm writing many other stories, so this won't be my last :) I already have another Blackwater fic out, called Dumbstruck, and I plan on also writing a Callwater one. Anyways, bye for now! 3***


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